When I read articles by well-known liberals espousing the rights of transgender women, I often wonder what they would think if they found out that a certain percentage of those women have a life-long, sexual interest in feminization.
Imagine that I, Felix Conrad, decided to transition tomorrow and started to live as Felicia Conrad. I would return to London and mix with my old university friends and attend workshops of fellow writers and go to meetings and do all those things which cosmopolitan professionals do. Naturally, as I was moving in those circles, everyone would be liberal and accepting of my transition and the fact I was transgender.
However, that acceptance would rely on a liberal narrative about the transgender condition which they all subscribe to. They would believe that deep down I’d always known that I was a woman and that I was trapped in the wrong body and my transition was about being liberated from that captive body. But would they be right?
The problem with the classic transgender narrative – in my case – is that it doesn’t include sexuality.
Obviously, as a blogger who specializes in crossdreaming I am aware of the arguments about transgender sexual fantasy/autogynephilia etc…so let’s not bore ourselves by repeating them. Instead, let’s agree on the following: that, as a crossdreamer, part of my motive for transition would be sexual i.e. it would turn me on to feminize my body. Personally, I think there’s nothing wrong with that, but it would surprise my liberal friends to discover this.
Of course, you could say that a homosexual who comes out to his friends and family does so in order to lead an outwardly gay life. Part of his reason is that it’s much easier to date and have relationships…therefore, part of that is sexual. But it’s not necessary he tells people about that reason…it’s implicitly understood. Similarly, it’s implicit that when a transwoman transitions she’s looking forward to having sex as a woman and having sex as her true self…and it’s not necessary to mention it.
However, there’s a difference…
While all transwomen look forward to having authentic sex as their true selves, there’s a percentage of those women who are crossdreamers. Not only do crossdreamers look forward to authentic sex, but they get turned on by the concept of being a woman and the various trappings of femininity. The general public, however, are simply not aware of this crossdreaming dimension.
Personally, I think that the general public have such a narrow view of sexuality that informing them would lead to misunderstanding and prejudice…so we should probably keep it to ourselves until we live in a more enlightened age. However, it’s not going to change the sentiment with which I began this post: that while I think it’s necessary we keep crossdreaming to ourselves…it makes me uncomfortable that liberal supporters of transgender rights (our most important allies) don’t know the full story about why some transwomen choose to transition.
So, as Felicia Conrad’s friends gathered around and expressed their solidarity with my suffering and the fact I always knew I was a woman, I would accept their support. But deep down I’d feel guilty because the crossdreamer’s story is more complicated than that…
…much more complicated.
Or is it? Please tell me if you think that a crossdreamer who transitions has a moral responsibility to tell her friends about her erotic interest in feminization.
statistically if you transitioned odds are youd be socially annexed from everyone and everything you love. left for dead. those of us who do transition dont do so for fetishtic reasons, making your question mout as you most likely never will.
Not sure about that one Felix. By confessing this it doesn’t make you more or less transgender in my opinion. Its just that your sexuality has been impacted in a particular way.
The old narrative where sex was left out of the equation wasn’t entirely correct as cross gender arousal seems to be pretty universal even among some homosexual transsexuals.
Might that responsibility to confess borne out of a certain guilt because we don’t fit a false narrative that many thought was correct?
When my boyfriend first explained crossdressing, he said it was a sexual thing. Later, when he joined a gender community, he insisted it was never sexual, but rather an identity. Group think and the associated pressure changed his story and enjoyment of it. It was way more fun when he was truthful about it.
Even people within the trans community often looks down on any sexualization of gender. I also think this partially why there’s always going to be a gap between early and late transitioners. Also due to longer socialization as a male.
This is also going to drive a gap between us and feminist “allies” who demonize male sexuality in every form. Obviously, I’m using “male” loosely here, but when push comes to shove, transwomen are going to be treated by males when it comes to certain rights.
No doubt there are people who share you fantasy, so enjoy it. But it is a fantasy, and you “stealth” and pretending (to yourself) that it’s a pathology when your friends, community and partners don’t share your pornographized, dehumanized and unbiological sexuality. For example, lesbians are female homosexuals, females exclusively attracted to other females. As a male who FANTASIZES about being a “sissy” — you are not a female, you are not a lesbian and you can FANTASIZE about lesbians who like penis, but you would be engaging in… fantasy.
Likewise, heterosexeual men – men exclusively attracted to females — are not bigots because they don’t treat you like a “real” woman. You aren’t a woman. You are a self-described “sissification” fetishist.
Why this is complicated and requires mental gymnastics and taxonomy juggling…
Be free. And for your own health, stop with the porn. It’s clearly fucked you up beyond all recognition. Pornography doesn’t display women, but the objectification of women as sexual objects for men. That’s what you want to be. And pornography is not sex. It’s institutionalized dehumanization of women. That turns you on… and I can see why you feel shy about sharing this with your friends, many of whom as men who view porn are quite aware of this, find it shameful and for good reason.
Stop being a creep.
You make a valid point, and to be frank, I don’t think you are required to reveal anything about yourself to non-intimate individuals who pass through your everyday life. It’s just called being pragmatic. However, if you are talking about a group of friends who you trust; it’s okay to tell them. If they truly love and accept you they will stay. It’s really not that hard to explain when you put it simply. Some gay men like being called a f*g and being treated roughly by a dominant man. Doesn’t make them less gay. Some women like to be called a sl*t, and to be tied up shibari style. Doesn’t make them less of a woman. When I disclosed to a couple of my close friends that I had a sissy kink, I was shy but I explained it as it is, a kink. It didn’t make me any less of a transwoman to tell them. Humble yourself and be honest. If they find you to be interesting and genuinely care about you, they are going to be there.
The wanting to transition, however, comes from somewhere deeper. When you put on a cute outfit and you don’t get arousal, but instead you feel a sense of wholeness; that is coming from the female part of you. Perhaps you just have a duality of masculinity and femineity that makes you have a unique perspective on the world, so don’t feel shame because you like being feminized. The part of you getting arousal from those thoughts is only another aspect of yourself that brings you joy. What defines you is what you let define you, not someone else’s opinion. Unless you like that, then I guess they can define you and you can just deal. (^_^)