Elle’s Life Lessons…

Lesson 1: Getting Dumped

I tire of people easily.

This means I’ve dumped a lot of guys (and a few girls too), and it’s taught Your Mistress the following life lesson…

That there’s something about being dumped that reduces a human adult to the emotional equivalent of a small child. One minute you have a rational, mature human, and then…

…an obsessive, stalking mess, with a dignity deficiency.

The last thing I need is another obsessive ex, so over the past few years I’ve started simultaneously dumping my boyfriends and giving them a heads up on how to handle it.

My advice is based on common sense, Salkovskis’s theory on obsessions, and RET.

Here’s the 5 strategies I advise…

1. Recognize that getting dumped is an authentic mental trauma, that causes a temporary mental illness.

Being dumped triggers a temporary bout of mental illness. For reasons that aren’t clear, being abandoned somehow makes the abandoned want the abandoner more than anything else in the world (even if they were previously only lukewarm on that person).

The temporary mental illness is characterized by…

  • Obsessive thoughts.
  • Depression.
  • Contradictory feelings of love and hate (with resulting existential disorientation.)
  • Irrationality.

Recognizing that your reaction to being dumped is pathological, allows you to realize that all the obsessive thoughts and emotions in your head are not real, but the result of a temporary mental illness.

How long this mental illness lasts depends on you, but it can last anything from a few days to the rest of your life. That’s why you need to take action. And the first step is to recognize the illness and not be seduced into thinking your silly thoughts are real.

2a. Initiate a cult of the body.

You can forget all the aforementioned silly thoughts by focusing on bodily perfection. Attain your perfect weight, get fit, take lots of trips to the spa, the nail salon, the hairdresser… monitor everything obsessively, and channel your obsession with your ex… into yourself.

The mental illness of getting dumped causes you to spend so much time in your mind, that the perfect tonic is to escape into a physical world. And of course there’s another advantage…

…you come out thinner and prettier.

2b. Initiate a cult of the mind…

Read all those books you were planning to read.
Become bilingual.
Start writing a diary and learn to articulate your ideas more clearly.

3. Ration the amount of time you allow yourself to think about your ex.

Trying not to think about your newly christened ex is impossible. You will go down the rabbit hole again and again. And to be honest, you probably need to, as suppressing it would probably make you crazier.

However, everything in moderation.

Put your foot down and tell yourself that enough is enough, when it is either inconvenient to be thinking about your ex or you’ve been doing it for too long.

The best way to do this is to have a go-to question, problem or thought.

You have dozens of problems and projects you need to work on. So, when you find yourself thinking about your ex, switch your thoughts to answering an important question about your job or your life or your future.

This is also useful because, now that your single, you need to refocus your energies.

4. Recognize the absurdity of your desire.

One of the most important things for human beings is to find the person they love. The person they want to spend the rest of their life with…

… “The One.”

Therefore, it makes no sense that you obsessively desire the person who dumped you, because they obviously weren’t the one. If they were the one, they wouldn’t have dumped you!

In fact, they’ve done you a favor, because at least you found out now, instead of after three kids and a mortgage.

However, one situation where this is difficult to accept, is when you did something that facilitated the end of the relationship (like, slept with his best friend, for example). Then you tell yourself that he was the one, but because of your bad behavior you repelled him.

That argument is false. You slept with his best friend for a reason, and if it wasn’t that slip up then you only would have done something else at some other time to jeopardize the relationship. Deep down, the relationship was weak.

5. UP YOUR GAME: Become a better person and give more to the community, your friends, and family.

Sometimes, you get dumped for good reason. You got too comfortable, too selfish, or you stopped paying attention.

If that’s the case…

…Up your game.

There’s nothing like a relationship to spin cobwebs in your mind and make you sloppy. Relationships also take time away from friends, family and community.

The basic idea is, therefore, to dedicate yourself to being a better person who gives gives gives! Do voluntary work, help friends more, get more engaged and interested with those around you. It will boost your self esteem and self worth.

People who give to others are happier; furthermore, you’ll be making yourself more attractive because you’ll be a nicer person.

Most importantly of all, though, you won’t be such a whiny little bitch, obsessing about your ex. You’ll be too busy giving, and too busy feeling good about yourself.

EDITORIAL: If you want Elle to basically run your life, then join her True Feminization course and become one of her students.

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1 Comment

  1. I love how this five-steo program is a combination a healing, self-care, and self-improvement. I think that this strategy is one to be employed to deal with many of the challenges that arise throughout life, particularly when it comes to giving back. Considering the issues I am dealing with when it comes to gender, it all starts with looking inward and self-confidence that wilk radiate out to others who might not be as accepting or nice about the transition.

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