Test: Are you Addicted to Sissy Porn

Welcome to your Are you addicted to sissy porn?




First, take our specially designed test above

This test will tell you if you are addicted to sissy – or any other type – of porn. Obviously, the usual disclaimers count: this is an Internet quiz not a clinic.

Is it valid to focus specifically on the addictive potential of ‘sissy porn’ ?

Yes, and there are two principal reasons for this.

1. it is intentionally hyper stimulatory

This genre is designed to be an overwhelming sensory experience, leveraging rapid cuts, split-screen action, and layered audiovisual stimulation to create an intense psychological effect. Unlike conventional adult content, which relies on slower buildup and narrative, sissy hypno content is structured to maximize hyperstimulation, keeping the viewer in a constant state of heightened arousal. This deliberate intensification of stimuli makes it an ideal candidate for compulsive consumption, as it exploits the brain’s natural reward system far more aggressively than traditional formats.

The mechanics of sissy hypno content align closely with known psychological and neurological triggers for addiction. Studies on dopamine release and behavioral conditioning suggest that rapid, unpredictable visual and auditory changes—such as those found in this genre—can hijack the brain’s reward system, reinforcing compulsive behaviors. The constant sensory overload makes it difficult for viewers to disengage, as each frame is designed to sustain and amplify arousal. In a way, it operates similarly to high-intensity digital media, such as short-form video apps or gambling games, which use unpredictable rewards and overstimulation to encourage binge consumption.

Because of this, it is reasonable to classify sissy hypno as a uniquely addictive subgenre of adult content, not simply because of its themes but because of its structural design. By engineering the experience to keep dopamine levels artificially elevated, creators of this content tap into psychological reinforcement loops that can make habitual viewing harder to break. While all adult content carries the potential for compulsive use, this genre appears to be optimized for it, making it a noteworthy example in discussions about hyperstimulation, digital addiction, and its effects on long-term neural conditioning.

 

2. Underlying gender dynamics may make the need for porn more intense

Beyond its hyperstimulating nature, sissy hypno content may also be uniquely addictive due to its psychological role in gender expression. Many of its consumers fall into a category of gender variance that does not necessarily align with full transgender identity but still involves an internalized relationship with femininity. For these individuals, their engagement with this genre is not only about adult content but also serves as a rare or even exclusive means of exploring and expressing aspects of their gender identity. Because they may have no other outlet for this expression in their daily lives, the content takes on an additional psychodynamic significance, reinforcing habitual consumption.

This psychological reliance on the content creates an additional layer of compulsion and necessity, distinct from standard adult material. For some, the only way they can engage with their femininity is through the fantasy structures surrounding this genre. Without external avenues for real-world gender expression, the content provides a substitute experience, reinforcing both emotional and behavioral dependence. The more they consume it, the more their gender expression becomes tethered to it, potentially deepening a cycle where their self-exploration remains confined to these digital fantasies rather than expanding into broader, healthier expressions of identity.

This dual-layered effect—both neurological hyperstimulation and psychological necessity—sets this genre apart in terms of its addictive potential. Unlike conventional adult content, which primarily targets libido, this type of media can serve a dual function: providing arousal while also acting as a stand-in for gender identity fulfillment. This combination makes it particularly difficult for some users to disengage, as quitting is not just about resisting sexual urges but also about confronting unmet emotional and psychological needs that the content temporarily satisfies.

Defining sissy porn addiction

Porn addiction can be defined as a porn habit that effects your life negatively. In other words, porn addiction is not decided by how much you use porn but by the effect it has on your life.

Imagine you are a loving husband, devoted father, brilliant employee and community activist…you could be a heavy porn user but because you are flourishing in all areas of your personal and professional life, it’s just an innocuous hobby.

However, imagine you are a bad husband, bad father, unemployed, and help nobody in the community… and you are a heavy porn user. If the sissy porn is stopping you from looking for jobs and not allowing you to perform sexually with your wife and taking up time you should spend with your kids…you are a full blown porn addict.

A more realistic scenario however is that porn doesn’t massively effect your life but if it didn’t exist you would probably make better use of your time. This would make you a semi-porn addict.

Beating semi porn addiction

Serious cases of porn addiction should be dealt with by professionals. Semi-porn addiction is much easier to deal with and should be attacked on 3 fronts:

1. Recognition:

recognize that excessive sissy porn use is not good for your life – and almost certainly not good for your soul. Make a commitment to cut back. As abstinence always fails you should not try to live as a Gregorian monk and give up masturbating or porn, but decide how much time you are willing to expend on porn and stick to it.

2. Logistical:

Reorganize your day / house / life in a way that reduces the porn options. There are many things you can do. For example…

  • – Instead of waking up and jerking off – go for a run.
  • – Kill the wifi connection at certain times.
  • – Store your computer somewhere else (i.e. not next to your bed)

3. Life change:

A lot of people end up spending all day in pornworld because they don’t have their life sorted out. Go for a long walk and ask yourself these 3 questions.

  • – What do I want from life?
  • – How do I get it (i.e. what plan do I need to make)?
  • – How can I organize my days and weekends so I can execute my plan?

When you feel your life is going somewhere it’s less likely you’ll waste hours and hours on porn…you will spend most of your time executing your plan.

 

 

Further Resources on Sissy Porn Addiction


Age 20: How I Eliminated a Sissification Fetish – Your Brain on Porn


The Reason Why You Are Addicted to Sissy Porn – NoFap Forum


Podcast: Overcoming Sissy Hypno Porn with Addiction Recovery – Mindful Habits

Other NovaGirl articles on psychology of sexuality

Sissy Prognosis: What will all this sissy porn lead to?

The psychology of forced feminization

Are Sissies Transgender? Why Contemporary Transgender Theory is Absurd.

Is penis size important? Can a sissy ever satisfy a woman?

FACTOID. There is no significant difference between the average penis size of an African American and a caucasian. 

Is penis size important to women?

Elle tells it like it is to neurotic sissies and casual readers.

It’s not the perfect analogy, but a good way to think about it is to ask if breast size is important to men? All men seem to love a pair of veritable melons…but is it important? Well, it depends on the man.

Similarly, the degree to which penis size matters, differs amongst women, so although I would love to engage in small penis humiliation and tell you that all girls care about penis size…the fact is that they don’t.

However, before you get on your sissy hobby horse and start believing you might yet make it to manhood…let’s be clear: just as most men would select a model with good size boobs over a flat chested one, the large majority of women (I’m talking 98%) would prefer a good size cock over a small one (don’t forget…we can get a baby through there!)

Will my girlfriend accept me and my small sissy penis?

However, just as most men accept that their wife isn’t the Barbie of their fantasies…so we accept a man with a small penis…except, unlike men, we really do accept.

I can’t say for definite, but I suspect that men never truly accept their wives’ shortcomings…or maybe they do in their neo cortex but not in their animal brain. Men are restless and always wanting more and their eye is always roving. We want more and our eyes rove but we generally settle for what we have. Women are great acceptors. In our minds we are dreamers but with our hands we are makers. We get shit done…we build homes and keep them together, and thus, for sure we’d love a jumbo todger and a face like Brad Pitt, but we’ll settle for less. A lot less! And we won’t even begrudge you your dicklette…as long as you remain loyal.

But can we still respect you as a man, knowing that you’re packing a tiddler in your pants?

Well, this depends what you mean by man. I pretty much stand by my point in chapter 1. Thankfully, there doesn’t appear to be such a thing as a ‘man’ in this day and age? What is it that’s supposed to make men manly? Courage, map-reading skills, shouting the loudest when you watch a game?

These are all skills and attributes any woman could show, and as we have to do far more single parenting and lower paid jobs and generally taking shit…I would say we exhibit more courage than men on a quantitative level, globally. So, that leaves only the literal, biological definition: muscle mass, cock size, voice…all of which are secondary sexual characteristics. So, if that’s my meaning of ‘manly’…then no, I can’t respect you as a ‘man’…but that’s a man in the sense of a sex object. It’s like choosing the criteria for womanliness based on blonde hair, big tits and small waist.

But anyway…I think we’re over complicating things. The basic question is this…

When your wife sees a ‘real man’ and she knows you’re ‘captain peewee,’ what goes on in her head?

Well, the same as when you see a gorgeous 20-year-old blonde: desire, envy and a shot of hormones; but a decent wife – who’s a nice person – is just doing a bit of window shopping and doesn’t lose respect for what she has. It’s like owning a Fiat when your neighbour has an Audi: you know you have a technically inferior model, but it gets you from a to b and you’re rather attached to it – in fact, extremely attached to it. Like I said…women tend to accept…because if we were as restless as men, society would probably fall apart.

Furthermore, there are logistical and technical reasons that lead us to downplay the importance of penis size. We are accustomed to non-penetrative masturbation and we love oral sex, so we don’t have to have a guy with a big cock to gain pleasure. We don’t even need a cock. Another factor to remember is that an orgasm can be more powerful if it builds slowly, and a small penis in the right position is perfect for this. Furthermore, in the next chapter, we will talk about the practical steps you can take to satisfy a woman even if you have a dwarven tool.

So, it’s all looking good for stumpy winkles. You can pleasure us, and we don’t base our respect for you on your abilities as a ‘man’ but as a ‘human being.’ However, despite everything I’ve said…there maybe some of you who just aren’t convinced. Maybe you’ve encountered women speaking with such disdain about penile-deficient men that you’re convinced there’s a hardcore of women for whom size really is important…who really would dump you because of your willy-winkle.

What’s the bottom line with respect to relationships and penis size?

I suppose you’re right. But what that percentage is I can’t tell you because I don’t know women like that. My research is based on women I know, and the women I know are women I like and the women I like are not bitches.

In other words, why would you care about such women – if they exist – because they would be so shallow and stupid that they would not be worth knowing? And if you live in a world where you agree with her and everything for you is about the body and the physical dimension of human existence, then you are also shallow and stupid.

So, basically, what I’m saying is that no decent woman would care so much about penis size that it overrode all other aspects of a relationship. Naturally, if the offending organ is part of a plethora of bad qualities: bad breath, bad temper, bad attitude etc.… then the offending organ could seal the argument, but the idea that a man could be axed solely because of his tiny cock is absurd. So, yes…there probably are women like that, but would you really want a relationship with one of them?

FAQs

Is a big penis important for women?

Highly desirable, yes…but we can live with small.

If we lived in a world of mating where you simply fucked people and never talked to them, would you go for a well-hung guy over a human Chihuahua?

Yes. But we don’t live in a world like that…and there’s no way you’d choose a partner who was an asshole with a whopper over a cool guy with a tiddler.

Do we laugh at small penises with our friends?

Yes. But would we agree with a girlfriend who said she was dumping a guy because of his penis? Obviously not.

Do we contemplate your good-looking friend’s packet with envy?

Yes! But you go goggle eyed when you see our hot friends.

Do we still respect you as a man even if you have a small one?

No, because our respect for you is as a human being…not as a ‘man’. We’re primarily interested in how kind, how loyal, how thoughtful and how interesting you are.

Therefore, do women care about penis size?

In the grand scheme of things…
…Not much.

However, I must admit that I am heavily influenced by my insistence on honesty in sexual relationships. In other words, if my boyfriend has a small penis I let him know…and tell him what he needs to do about it. He then does what he needs to do and we have a good sex life. If a tiny tinker didn’t know or care that he was sparingly hung and the sex was terrible…then the bad sex could have wider implications for the relationship.

Which leads us to the question we will now answer…

How do you satisfy a woman sexually if you have a petite pecker?  

Click on this Amazon link to buy Elle’s fascinating book 

 

 

The psychology of forced feminization

Are Sissies Transgender? Why Contemporary Transgender Theory is Absurd.

 

Sissy Prognosis: What will all this sissy porn lead to?

The Psychology of Cuckolding: 5 reasons why a man watches his wife with another man…

1. Because the husband wishes he was in the wife’s place i.e – he’s a crossdreamer.

Crossdreamers are men who get turned on by thinking of themselves as women.

This may involve fantasies of complete female embodiment or something partial like wearing women’s underwear. The crossdreamer is technically heterosexual but also dreams of being a female having sex with a man. The sight of his wife sleeping with another man induces an erotic response that’s part horny, part empathy and part envy.

This may seem confusing, but crossdreaming is a confusing area of sexology. Crossdreamers are often simultaneously attracted to their wives while simultaneously attracted to the idea of having done to them what they are doing to their wives (I told you it was confusing). Thus, if a crossdreamer is spanking his wife, he’s getting off on two levels: by the spanking of his wife, but also by the idea of being spanked.

The psychology of cuckolding in the case of a crossdreamer is, therefore, a case of projection: he wants to be the woman who is being taken by a ‘real man.’ This shouldn’t be interpreted, however, that he literally wants to be his wife (that would be some Silence of the Lambs shit.)

(A video that explores why men let other men have sex with their wives.)

 

2. Because the husband has a strong fetish for humiliation.

In case you didn’t know, some men get turned on by humiliation. Don’t believe me? Well, enter the term ‘small penis humiliation’ into Google and watch videos of beautiful women laughing at a man’s small penis. And guess what: his little penis gets hard cos it turns him on to be humiliated.

So, just as men who are into breasts like big breasts, men who are into humiliation like big humiliations…and what’s more humiliating for a man than watching a ‘real man’ satisfy his wife?

Cuckolding is, therefore, the holy grail of humiliation.

But why do men and women like humiliation in the first place?

My personal belief (as espoused in other articles) is that it stems from our simian ancestry. Apes live in hierarchical societies in which the alpha gets all the mates because apes are programmed to be attracted to the alpha. When a man is humiliated by a woman (or vice versa) his simian programming labels her as an alpha and he is wildly attracted to her; the more she humiliates him the more turned on he gets.

(You will have to read my book The Science & Art of Transgender Fiction to read about this theory, as well as bonobos – a species of ape where females are dominant.)

Cuckolding has various sub-genres. A common one involves 3 well endowed black men screwing your blonde wife on your honeymoon night!


3. Because the husband is bisexual or bi-curious.

Some straight men have out and out gay fantasies, while others have mixed fantasies with both a man and woman. These mixed fantasies might be the consequence of a sexuality that’s only ‘semi-gay’ or a man that’s too ashamed to fantasize about man on man sex.

Whatever the cause, cuckolding gives a straight man the opportunity to get close to a big hard cock and a big muscly man within a heterosexual framework. There’s no complicated psychology here: basically, the husband likes a bit of c*ck…

…And who can blame him?

 

4. Because he’s an enlightened man…or…a traditional fuckwit of a cuckold.

For some men, cuckolding isn’t a kinky behaviour that turns them on but a question of open relationships. He allows the woman to have other lovers because he’s an enlightened individual who’s thinking about her sexual needs.

Another man who doesn’t get off on the cuckold vibe is…a traditional cuckold.

Another sub-genre is breeding. Your wife is made pregnant.

The word cuckold has been in use for centuries and comes from a French word for cuckoo – a bird which lays its eggs in another birds’ nest. In literary history, a cuckold is a loser who can’t satisfy his wife. She mercilessly cuckolds hims and sleeps with lots of men, so he’s cuckolded against his will…but he doesn’t have the will to leave her.

 

5. All of the above.

Although I would never practice cuckolding myself, I think the idea is pretty hot. However, when I look at the above causes for why it turns me on, I’m not drawn by one answer…

but all of them.

Firstly, I’m a crossdreamer, so I have the empathy/projection part. Secondly, I kind of like guys…but am not sure. Thirdly, I like a bit of good old fashioned humiliation. And…fourthly, I’m vaguely enlightened but also something of a fuckwit.

How to deal with being dumped: 5 strategies to stop obsessing over your ex

Elle’s Life Lessons…

Lesson 1: Getting Dumped

I tire of people easily.

This means I’ve dumped a lot of guys (and a few girls too), and it’s taught Your Mistress the following life lesson…

That there’s something about being dumped that reduces a human adult to the emotional equivalent of a small child. One minute you have a rational, mature human, and then…

…an obsessive, stalking mess, with a dignity deficiency.

The last thing I need is another obsessive ex, so over the past few years I’ve started simultaneously dumping my boyfriends and giving them a heads up on how to handle it.

My advice is based on common sense, Salkovskis’s theory on obsessions, and RET.

Here’s the 5 strategies I advise…

1. Recognize that getting dumped is an authentic mental trauma, that causes a temporary mental illness.

Being dumped triggers a temporary bout of mental illness. For reasons that aren’t clear, being abandoned somehow makes the abandoned want the abandoner more than anything else in the world (even if they were previously only lukewarm on that person).

The temporary mental illness is characterized by…

  • Obsessive thoughts.
  • Depression.
  • Contradictory feelings of love and hate (with resulting existential disorientation.)
  • Irrationality.

Recognizing that your reaction to being dumped is pathological, allows you to realize that all the obsessive thoughts and emotions in your head are not real, but the result of a temporary mental illness.

How long this mental illness lasts depends on you, but it can last anything from a few days to the rest of your life. That’s why you need to take action. And the first step is to recognize the illness and not be seduced into thinking your silly thoughts are real.

2a. Initiate a cult of the body.

You can forget all the aforementioned silly thoughts by focusing on bodily perfection. Attain your perfect weight, get fit, take lots of trips to the spa, the nail salon, the hairdresser… monitor everything obsessively, and channel your obsession with your ex… into yourself.

The mental illness of getting dumped causes you to spend so much time in your mind, that the perfect tonic is to escape into a physical world. And of course there’s another advantage…

…you come out thinner and prettier.

2b. Initiate a cult of the mind…

Read all those books you were planning to read.
Become bilingual.
Start writing a diary and learn to articulate your ideas more clearly.

3. Ration the amount of time you allow yourself to think about your ex.

Trying not to think about your newly christened ex is impossible. You will go down the rabbit hole again and again. And to be honest, you probably need to, as suppressing it would probably make you crazier.

However, everything in moderation.

Put your foot down and tell yourself that enough is enough, when it is either inconvenient to be thinking about your ex or you’ve been doing it for too long.

The best way to do this is to have a go-to question, problem or thought.

You have dozens of problems and projects you need to work on. So, when you find yourself thinking about your ex, switch your thoughts to answering an important question about your job or your life or your future.

This is also useful because, now that your single, you need to refocus your energies.

4. Recognize the absurdity of your desire.


One of the most important things for human beings is to find the person they love. The person they want to spend the rest of their life with…

… “The One.”

Therefore, it makes no sense that you obsessively desire the person who dumped you, because they obviously weren’t the one. If they were the one, they wouldn’t have dumped you!

In fact, they’ve done you a favor, because at least you found out now, instead of after three kids and a mortgage.

However, one situation where this is difficult to accept, is when you did something that facilitated the end of the relationship (like, slept with his best friend, for example). Then you tell yourself that he was the one, but because of your bad behavior you repelled him.

That argument is false. You slept with his best friend for a reason, and if it wasn’t that slip up then you only would have done something else at some other time to jeopardize the relationship. Deep down, the relationship was weak.

5. UP YOUR GAME: Become a better person and give more to the community, your friends, and family.

Sometimes, you get dumped for good reason. You got too comfortable, too selfish, or you stopped paying attention.

If that’s the case…

…Up your game.

There’s nothing like a relationship to spin cobwebs in your mind and make you sloppy. Relationships also take time away from friends, family and community.

The basic idea is, therefore, to dedicate yourself to being a better person who gives gives gives! Do voluntary work, help friends more, get more engaged and interested with those around you. It will boost your self esteem and self worth.

People who give to others are happier; furthermore, you’ll be making yourself more attractive because you’ll be a nicer person.

Most importantly of all, though, you won’t be such a whiny little bitch, obsessing about your ex. You’ll be too busy giving, and too busy feeling good about yourself.

EDITORIAL: If you want Elle to basically run your life, then join her True Feminization course and become one of her students.

Are Sissies Transgender? Why Contemporary Transgender Theory is Absurd.

 

 

Introduction

Within a short space of time a concept can go from plausible, rational and necessary, to being utterly absurd. When I was young, for example, I believed – like Goerge Carlin – that there was an all powerful being called God who knew what I and everyone else was thinking, and that if I ever did certain things…like believe in other Gods…he would torture me for eternity with unspeakable brutality.  But he loved me!

When you finally realise the absurdity of such concepts you don’t know how you ever believed such a thing in the first place. And that’s what has happened to me with contemporary transgender theory.  I have come to see with absolute clarity that not only is it absurd, but psychologically damaging as well.

Self-knowledge is one of the most important qualities of a happy, enlightened human being. To use an example close to home, a transgender awakening is a major life-event. And that’s the problem with current transgender theory: there are millions of transgender people who are not only denied that rite of self-knowledge – the transgender awakening – but the transgender community actively conspires to make them think they are not transgender.

These people have different names – sissies, crossdreamers, transvestites – but they are linked by a single phenomenon – that they all identify as female in their sexual fantasies. For developmental reasons (discussed in my book, Transgender – Fact or Fetish?) the fantasy may not be an anatomical female, but there is a lifelong female identification in their sexuality. Many of these people grow up not understanding themselves because the only vocabulary they have to describe their behaviour are terms like ‘fetish,’ ‘sissy’ ‘transvestite’ and ‘paraphilia’. Unless such people become self-identified fetishists, they can’t build their sexuality and gender variance into their self-image, so they lock it away. Healthy individuals take pride in their sexuality/gender and incorporate it into their self-image, which means that by denoting sissies and crossdressers as fetishists we are contributing to their alienation.  This leads to a poverty of self-identification.

Such people either exist in silent embarrassment or in communities founded on hypersexualised identities such as ‘the sissy slut.’ They have been told that their female side is purely a fetish, and thus they identify as fetishists in online communities of fetishists. This rips them away from the knowledge that they are a beautiful and unique type of human being called ‘transgender.’

Yes, I know…you’re probably shouting at your computer screens, “But they’re not transgender…In fact, most of them don’t even wanna be transgender!”

And I used to think the same. But that’s when I believed that the meaning of the word ‘transgender’ was ‘a person who identifies as a gender different from that they were assigned at birth.’ As I will explain in the next twenty minutes, this cancerous definition is not only impossible, but is responsible for everything we should be trying to remove from the transgender community: shame, division and confusion.

The Contradiction at the Heart of Transgender Theory

Phase 1: The Mockingbird Experiment

I want you to look at the following photo and imagine it’s 2012. We have a well-known transwoman, Janet Mock, and standing next to her is Alex King – a lifelong erotic crossdresser who identifies as male, and next to him is Johnny Bird – also a lifelong erotic crossdresser who identifies as male.

  1. Explain who’s transgender and why?
  2. Explain each gender variant behaviour.

 

Of course, your answer will be the following.

  • Janet Mock is transgender.
  • Alex King is not transgender…he has a fetish.
  • Johnny Bird is not transgender…he also has a fetish.

That analysis may seem neat and tidy, but there’s a slight problem: you have just acknowledged a key part of Raymond Blanchard’s autogynephilia thesis: that there exists a distinct paraphilia in which a man gets turned on by dressing, behaving or looking like a woman. Right now, confirming such a paraphilia may not be a problem for you, but let’s jump forward two years.

 

  • Janet is still impeccably transgender.
  • Alex King has had a transgender awakening and is now called Alexa King. Deep down she always knew she was transgender but she was in denial, and all that sissy stuff…well, that was just some weird manifestation of her female sexuality put through the mincer of male biology and socialisation.
  • Johnny Bird: still just a crossdressing sissy who identifies as male.

But here’s the problem: can we really view Jonny in the same way as before, after what happened to Alexa? We say he’s just a crossdressing sissy, but how do we know that he isn’t in denial and transgender just the way Alexa was? And there’s more…

Let’s return to the previous picture.

Unless we are going to say that the transgender condition grows out of a fetish (thus developing a full blown autogynephilia theory) we now have to label Alexa King as transgender when we look back at the 2012 photo. The seemingly fetishist behaviour wasn’t fetishist…she just hadn’t realised she was transgender. And that’s what throws our evaluation of Johnny in 2014 on its head: if we admit that there exist people with crossdressing/sissy behaviour who don´t know they are transgender, then we can’t be sure that Johnny isn’t one too i.e. a transwoman in denial.

It’s at this point that I can separate the naïve reader from the savvy, because some might say that just because Alexa turned out to be transgender doesn’t mean we have to think that every tranny and sissy may be transgender. Alexa’s being a sissy before was just either coincidental or, as she said, just some weird manifestation of being trapped in the wrong body.

This analysis is incorrect. Alexa previously identified as male and only realised later in life that she was transgender, so we call her a LOT: late onset transsexual. A history of cross gender arousal – be it sissification, female embodiment or erotic cross dressing – in combination with denial, is not just coincidental in LOTs but universal.  Okay, maybe there are some exceptions: early onset transsexuals who were so deeply suppressed that they didn’t realise til’ they were older…or maybe some with zero sex drive…or maybe there really are a few (and I mean a few genuine exceptions), but any transgender theorist who lives on this planet and not fantasyland has figured out that cross gender arousal is not a coincidental companion to late onset transsexualism. In fact, as it statistically correlates with late onset transsexualism we’d have to call it in medical terms… a symptom of late onset transsexualism.

Obviously, this does not mean that all incidences of cross gender arousal equal being transgender…just as all sneezes aren’t indicative of flu (it could be allergies or the common cold.) However, as cross gender arousal is a symptom of late onset transsexualism it makes sense to ask oneself upon meeting an erotic cross dresser if they are transgender, because we know that such behaviour could be symptomatic of an underlying transgender psychology.

Accepting that cross gender arousal and denial are symptoms of being transgender has two profound consequences for transgender theory and politics. They are…

  1. Unless you believe in a theory like autogynephilia, it is no longer accurate or acceptable to label a crossdresser or sissy as a ‘fetishist’ because you don’t know if they are a transwoman in denial.
  1. Given that so many transgender people don’t understand that they are transgender, transgender activists have a moral obligation to raise awareness of the signs of a repressed transgender psychology, one of the most important being – a lifelong history of cross gender arousal. Due to the transgender community’s insecurity they have done the opposite – desperately running from cross gender arousal because they are scared of the ‘fetish label’.

I understand this fear, but it is pretty easy to explain cross gender arousal as a secondary effect of a biologically caused transgender condition. If transgender activists are not only ignoring one of the most important symptoms of our condition, but spreading false information (that sissies have a fetish) then I’d say we’re doing a fucking bad job. It’s like a bulimia community telling people that intentional vomiting after dinner is not a symptom of bulimia but of another unrelated disorder…in fact, not even a disorder but of a forced vomiting fetish.

Phase 2: A stark choice – either all sissies are late onset transgender or all late onset transgender are sissies

It would be convenient if the transgender theorist could now pack up and go home…after all, we’ve formulated two important learnings and probably had enough of thought experiments for one day. But unfortunately, we have only just begun to deconstruct contemporary transgender theory. Let’s return to our photo…but imagine the picture this time.

The year is 2035 and our photo is the same for the transwomen, Janet and Alexa (apart from the fact they are older), but Johnny – the poor love – has passed away. The most important fact about is that he died without ever identifying as female. He also produced an autobiography and called his love of forced feminisation nothing more than ‘a fetish.’

This is the moment where those who don’t want to label so called ‘fetishists’ as transgender will be proclaiming… “Come on…the guy had decades to see if he was transgender or not…and he clearly wasn’t. He even made a point of stating it in his biography and wasn’t embarrassed about his fetish.”

But this illustrates the paradox perfectly: the more fetishistic and embarrassing the behaviour (sissy maids, for example) the greater your desire to divorce him from the transgender movement. But the more you divorce him from being transgender the more you vouch for the existence of a distinct autogynephilia style fetish, making it inevitable that any transgender women who indulged in the same behaviour get labelled as fetishist.

You see, if the transwoman used to get turned on by the behaviour you already deemed fetishistic, she must have had the fetish…or are you going for the implausible position of two fetishes with identical behaviour but somehow different? That’s just wishful thinking. Much more likely is…they had the same fetish. Similarly, nobody’s going to buy any bogus explanations like ‘she was just pretending’ or ‘she didn’t really enjoy it’ or ‘she was just a part timer’. Both have the same lifelong history of cross gender arousal and both have the same fetish. That’s not something I want to believe or even a language I would use…but that was the place you took us by marking the sissy as a fetishist.

“Well okay, she had the damn fetish! But now she’s transgender and doesn’t do that stuff anymore… so let’s just forget about it!”

I wish we could…but look at the absurd position you’ve got yourself in now.

  • You admit the existence of a distinct feminisation fetish in millions of men worldwide (be it forced fem, crossdressing or sissification).
  • You now admit, because there’s no other logical alternative, that almost all late onset transwomen had the same fetish.

And now, what do you think the transphobes and the right wing sexologists and the detractors are going to say? They’re going to say… “You see! All those middle aged men who transition…they just have a feminisation fetish taken to its logical end. Just like there are amputee fetishists obsessed enough to want a full on amputation these trannies wanna go all the way.”

And then you have four options…

  1. Backtrack and deny they have any fetish at all, or say that only a few have it.

Counter-argument: simply not true…millions of Reddit posts, biographies, personal anecdotes attest to the strong statistical correlation between cross gender arousal and late onset transsexualism.

  1. Vanilla coat the erotic desire by saying that women also get turned on by thinking of themselves as sexy women (reference an experiment by Moser that proved women had autogynephilia.

Counter-argument: the so called experiment was a questionnaire which only a dozen or so women filled in. Of course we can all get off imagining we are a sexy man or woman, but cross gender arousal is right at the heart of the individual’s erotic being and not an added extra or some dreamy desire to be girly.

  1. Try and claim they have a different fetish with similar behaviours:

Counter-argument: we already deemed that ridiculous.

  1. Try and claim that the ‘fetish’ is some kind of symptom of being trapped in the wrong body.

Counter-argument: this works well when you talk about transwomen in isolation. I myself have written of a transwoman’s sexuality working through male plumbing and neurology and obviously something strange will come out as a result. Unfortunately, though, this is like counter-argument 3 because it makes the behaviour unique to the transgender condition – a concept pulled to pieces by the existence of millions of men with the same behaviour who don’t identify as female. They prove the existence of a feminisation fetish and it can be no coincidence that transwomen have the same erotic interest. They obviously have the same ‘fetish’. (Like I say…this is the place YOU took us…not me!)

Final consequence: once you concede that late-onset transwomen have the same feminisation fetish as transvestites and sissies, you make Blanchard’s sexually motivated transition the most plausible explanations for late onset transsexualism. Congratulations.

Solution: End the absurdity of contemporary transgender theory!

Firstly…

Let’s stop being all chicken shit about cross-gender arousal. We’ve basically let a bunch of transphobes get us so scared of the fetish label, that we are shining the spotlight on our transgender brothers and sisters hoping it stays off us. It is impossible to prove any causal relationship between late onset transsexualism and sexual behaviour UNLESS WE OPEN OUR CHICKEN SHIT MOUTHS AND START POINTING THE FETISH FINGER, THUS PROVING THE EXISTENCE OF A FEMINISATION FETISH.

Secondly…

Let’s see a lifelong history of cross gender arousal for what it is: a symptom of an underlying transgender psychology. Whether the crossdreamer realises it or not, they have a female gender core and while socialisation can overpower it in most areas of the psyche, it can’t overpower it in sexuality. As any evolutionary biologist will tell you, sexuality trumps all. Forgive the plug but…read my book and you’ll see how easy it is to explain why transforming to a female body becomes habitualised, why early onsetters don’t have cross gender arousal, and answers to other anomalies that transphobes routinely attack us with.

Thirdly…

Let’s stop centring the transgender experience on ‘identifying as’ and ‘transition.’ More and more transgender people – myself included – are going non-binary, and as well as choosing not to identify as any gender they are retooling transition as a state of mind rather than a state of appearance. You do not have to transition or identify as anything in particular to be transgender…you just have to be gender variant.

Fourthly…

Let’s be inclusive and understand that there are many different forms of the transgender condition. I’m sure there are transwomen who wince at being related in any way to sissies, but that is how the absurdity of transgender theory was born: when certain people tried to create a distinct identity, because they were terrified of the fetish label. The result is a longstanding tension at the heart of the transgender community as different groups seek to establish themselves as the one, true manifestation of transgender. There is no single, authentic, transgender experience…but a whole range of gender variant behaviours. Furthermore, ‘transgender’ has traditionally been an umbrella term for all such behaviours – including erotic crossdressing! It is no coincidence that Transgender finds itself together with Lesbian, gay and bisexual.

Fifthly…

Don’t claim that the status of crossdreamers and sissies is not important. Every month I receive letters from husbands who have either been caught crossdressing, or want to tell their wives about their sexual desire to be female, or from women who are trying to understand their husband’s behaviour. Because transgender theory is now so blinkered, and they think you have to ‘identify as female’ to be transgender, they cannot explain their behaviour in terms of gender variance. Instead, they resort to the vocabulary of sex: transvestite, sissy, autogynephiliac, cross dresser… all of which are loaded with value judgements. The result is a narrative of base desires and shameful urges. If they could interpret their experience through the transgender prism then they would understand themselves better.

Thinking of my own experience, I didn’t fly from being transgender because I was in denial, I flew from being transgender because I was in a state of ignorance. I thought ‘transgender’ could only mean one thing, and anyone who got turned on by being a woman had a fetish. That added years to my wilderness years…and then I spent a few more years being confused, thinking transgender meant you had to ‘identify as a woman.’

The only thing we have in life is time, and it is tragic that so many transgender people have to wait years to recognise and value their identity because they grow up around a transgender community that doesn’t embrace the erotic cross gender experience and fails to see it for what it is: a symptom of being transgender.

Conclusion:

People should be allowed to label themselves as they like. If a sissy wants to go to his grave insisting he has a fetish, then that’s his right. However, when people come to ask themselves who and what they are, they must make informed choices…and the most important thing is that they don’t face the stark binary of transgender or fetishist. I see it as our moral imperative to inform erotic cross dressers, sissies and crossdreamers, that we consider them as brothers and sisters of the transgender community. A sissy maid may be something of an embarrassment, but as we all know, little brothers and sisters often embarrass their older siblings.

Thus, I will finish my essay with an impassioned plea to dismantle the transgender caste system, and to remind people that transgender is an umbrella term that is defined something like this…

A person who identifies as a gender different from that which they were assigned at birth – either completely, partially or sexually.

Thank-you.

 

Can an authentic transwoman* still get turned on by sissy porn?

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the same as the above article you just read. The article began as an explanation by Elle of why she created a new website for followers who don’t like the sissy vibe. However, upon editing, I realized that it answered a very important question us transwomen often ask: does watching sissy porn and sissification once you’ve transitioned make you less of a woman? Or… more nightmarishly… does it make you a man with a fetish? So, realizing that it was good for this question, I republished it with SEO for the benefit of Google.

*Obviously there’s no such thing as an ‘authentic transwoman.’ The term refers to a type of paranoid thinking present in the subconscious fears of some transwomen. 

What is desissfication?

DesissIfication is the process by which a novagirl realigns her sexuality and tastes towards the aesthetic of pure femininity, rather than sissy porn and sissy subculture.

Is that really a thing?

Admittedly, I just invented the term on the spot, so  – linguistically – it’s not a thing.

However, it does represent a solid chunk of NovaGirl readers who keep on writing to me about how they dislike sissy stuff.

VSister.com: the big sister you never had… or maybe have… but always wanted.

Changes to NovaGirl Blog content…

In order to make the NovaGirl blog  more inclusive, I started a project in September called ‘Virtual Sister.’ The project had 2 aims…

  1. To create a version of my program, True Feminization, that would not only be free of sissy content, but would be a self improvement tool for all girls cis and trans: The result is… Virtual Sister.
  2. To create free blog content that followed the same principles. The result is… Pretty Hypno.
I based Virtual Sister on the idea of a little sister who was not having much success professionally, romantically or socially. As her big sister, I send her (you, the student) a series of letters and assignments from Europe (where I’m working) designed to reinvent yourself and kickstart your life. Of course, the subtext is a program of feminization for gender variant girls, but that is never overtly mentioned.

So if a student chooses the Virtual Sister version of the program, are they completely banned from the dungeon stuff?

They are not banned.

Although VSister is free of that type of content, there is a backdoor to access the DreamyGirl and Sissy Farm material.

Why?

While I readily approve of a shift towards deeper femininity (hopefully – feminism too) and a female gender identity, I want my students to be as mentally healthy as possible.

I have seen too many trans clients beating themselves up because they’ve tried – and failed – to expunge the sissy vibe from their erotic life (It’s so embarrassing when a client announces it’s their last session because they’re ‘ditching the sissy thing’ and they they return a couple of weeks later with their tail/chastity device between their legs).

A lifetime of getting turned on by hyper femininity and/or humiliation doesn’t just go away, and all you do by denying it is to create dissonance and inner conflict.

That’s why the definition of desissification I propose is about realignment and accommodation not rejection and extremism. It is about a shift in emphasis and priorities towards everything that is beautiful and pretty and feminine, but without being puritanical about the sissy stuff.

Having the occasional binge of sissy porn does not make a transwoman less of a woman (I know some readers see this as obvious, but I assure you there are others who believe that.)

An analogy from my own life…

I get turned on by inflicting pain and humiliation on people (well, I get turned on by other things, but that’s my major kink). And for a long time I tried to deny this.

However, the inner conflict came to a head while writing my Masters thesis on the cruelty/ excesses of men and their appetite for destruction, in contrast to the female capacity for creation and nurturing and moderation.

Meanwhile, not only was I getting off on humiliation and pain while moonlighting as a dominatrix, but a few friends were starting to have babies. I fast discovered that I was not a nurturer*

Not only did these two things make me feel less of a woman… they made me feel like a monster.

(*You can see how this still affects me. Instead of saying the honest truth: I don’t really like children –  I use the euphemism ‘not a nurturer. This is because I still feel residual shame that, as a woman, not only do I not want to have children but don’t have much time for them.)

Resolving the inner conflict between your sexual tastes and your personality

In the end, I had to accept the fundamental fact of human sexuality…

You get what you’re given, and there’s no refunds!

I didn’t ask to be a sadist and there’s no way of expunging it from my core sexuality. Therefore, I made my peace with it. I decided to compensate for my dark side and ‘lack of nurturing’ by doing voluntary work.

You see, true Femininity is not about what turns you on! Your kink is your kink… and it doesn’t have anything to do with how much of a woman you are.

Returning to the question

Therefore, returning to the question…. while there is an absolute and definitive break with sissy subculture, switching over to Virtual Sister and Pretty Hypno does not have to mean its complete extinction.

The aesthetic of vsister.com is completely different from this site and dreamygirl.

Visit Vsister.com and desissify your life with Pretty Hypno…

Click below for Pretty  Hypno… Click on the next image for course info.

Why am I a sissy? 10 important questions related to sissy hypno…

 

1. What’s with the whole French Maid thing?

Much of human sexuality is symbolic. This means that humans attach sexual significance to seemingly non sexual objects – fabrics, muscles, frills, whips, power – and become turned on by them.

As a servant’s uniform, the french maid outfit represents complete submission – which turns the sissy on. However, what really turns a sissy on is to dress /behave /look like a girl, and because the uniform is a stereotypical feminine garment it’s a triple dose of femininity. Also, a French maid – like other occupational fantasies such as secretary, school-girl and air-hostess – is a female job, thus cranking up the femininity value even more.

If you look at other female garments such as girl’s jeans there is very low erotic reward because they are not uniquely feminine. The more feminine a garment is…the more attractive it becomes.

 

2. Why do men appear in my fantasies? Am I bi?

Possibly…but probably not.

A common aspect of cross-gender fantasy is the appearance of strong, powerful men (often they are faceless). This is curious because in their day to day lives, most femephiliacs don’t find men attractive at all.

Some people believe that this is a suppressed attraction to men. In my opinion, however, the man plays a symbolic role just as a french maid’s uniform does. The appearance of an ultra masculine figure is a device to make the crossdreamer feel feminine (their erotic well-spring.) In the mind of the sissy, your average girl has sex with men…therefore, a man having sex with you makes you feel like a girl. The fact you wouldn’t look twice at a man outside of your fantasies suggests this to be true (in my opinion).

 

3. What is a sissy, anyway?

Unlike a crossdreamer or sado-masochist, there’s no clear definition of ‘sissy’. That’s because it’s become a name for someone who moves in a specific online ecosystem, rather than a person who belongs to a distinct sexological category. This is demonstrated by the four different groups within sissy subculture.

1) A small minority who are genuinely bi-sexual and like the forced-bi element.

2) A small minority who have a specific fetish for their masculinity being trodden and spat on (metaphorically).

3) A larger minority of transgender females.

4) A majority of men with an inverted sexuality that is characterized by (choose your preferred term)… crossdreaming / autogynephilia / sissification / female embodiment fantasies… where a man gets turned on by the thought of himself as female.

Therefore, a sissy is a person who participates in sissy subculture by visiting relevant sissy fantasy sites on Tumblr, Reddit and other erotic channels. They may or may not live out some of these fantasies in real life.

 

4. What type of sexual behavior underlies sissy sexual fantasy?

(For the rest of this article I will focus on the majority of men who use sissy porn: those who get turned on by the thought of being female and/or feminized.)

Some sissies don’t realize that they have a unique form of human sexuality that is the subject of much controversy among sexologists. What most agree on is that it’s based on a man’s erotic desire to be a woman in sexual contexts. Thus, a hetero male imagines he is a man in his fantasies…whereas you imagine you’re a girl or a feminized man.

The unique characteristic of crossdreaming is that the sexual fantasy is heavily centered on the self rather than another person. Whereas most men desire to have a sexy slut…crossdreamers desire to be a sexy slut. However, there are so many fluid aspects to crossdreaming that the man usually has a heterosexual attraction to women. Just to complicate things, many sissies also fantasize about men.

Last year I got so mad with all the different names and ideas, I decided to write a short book to definitively categorize and understand the sexuality beneath the sissy phenomenon.

 

5. Hold on…aren’t I just ‘heterosexual with a little kink on the side’?

The above phrase comes from a poll on ellemesen.com where most sissies say that they are just hetero guys with a little kink.

If you really want to understand your sexuality and not be a transgender fundamentalist or dogmatic fetishist, you need to remember one thing: it’s fluid. In other words, I’m sure you are majority hetero with a minor kink NOW…and probably will be all your life, but a minority of sissies experience a fundamental shift in which the kink becomes something different and a transgender identity develops.

Therefore, while it’s perfectly reasonable to say you’re hetero with a little (or big) kink on the side, you should be aware that it’s a little bit more complicated than that.

 

6. Oh my God…now you’ve freaked me out. Am I going to end up transgender?

Some guys start worrying they’re going to be transgender once they read the above. Don’t worry…if the thought of being transgender seems like a nightmare then it’s unlikely you will ever have a gender crisis. Getting turned on by being a woman when you’re horny is a different kettle of fish from wanting to be a woman all the time.

Even if you did have serious gender issues one day, there are lots of gender variant men who still live happy lives as men.

7. Why is there such a strong element of submission and humiliation to sissy fantasies?

No one knows for certain. Here are some theories.

1) As with French maids, there is a stereotypical, Victorian strain running through the sissy’s concept of femininity (this may be a cultural or sub conscious memory). Thus, because women were submissive to men for most of history, the sissy thinks they are being more feminine by being submissive and thus adds more erotic power to their fantasy.

2) Masochistic Emasculation Fetish: the real motive behind feminization is the fear of not being sufficiently manly. The user then develops some kind of paradoxical turn-on for what is his biggest fear (it’s a self-defence mechanism.)

3) (My preferred theory) A love of humiliation and domination is present in most people and is a consequence of our simian ancestors. Primate societies are hierarchical and primates are all attracted to the alpha male and/or alpha female. Being humiliated is a sign that one is in the presence of an alpha and the more abject the humiliation the more alpha is the male/female.

 

8. What’s going on with Sissy Hypno?

Sissy hypno is the crack cocaine of crossgender porn. As experts just begin to understand the amount of dopamine stimulation that internet porn can produce, sissy hypno can be seen as a high dose, mega hit of crossdreamer pornography.

Porn, by its very nature is exaggerated – thus we have women with unfeasibly large breasts and men with unfeasibly large cocks – but the new generation of internet porn goes further. Thus, a commonly experienced fantasy such as climaxing into a woman’s mouth – is transformed into bukkake – thirty men climaxing into a woman’s mouth; one man fucking your wife becomes a whole football team doing your wife. Sissy Hypno follows that logic and bombards the user with dozens of visual and audio sensations in a short time. It is, therefore, a super-stimulant genre of porn.

 

9. Is Sissy Hypno somehow bad for my health?

Perhaps your moral health…if you start seeing women as bimbo sex machines, but I think most of you are grounded enough to understand that sissy hypno is about cartoon women.

With respect to compulsion, there is nothing specific to sissy hypno that makes it more addictive than other forms of porn. If you’re going to end up being a porn addict you will end up a porn addict anyway. (By the way, porn addiction is very real and while not damaging to the health it does mess with your ability to sort your life out and get on with practical stuff.)

One final point, however, is that some people believe that sissies are more prone to porn addiction because they need to live out their feminine desires. Because their daily life gives them little opportunity to express their fem side, they end up spending an inordinate amount of time in a fantasy world.

 

10. Will my fruity fantasies interfere with my ability to be a good boyfriend/husband?

Sissies tend to get bored more quickly of conventional sex. When that happens they sometimes lose interest and start investing their sex drive in porn. This is not fair!

When the thrill starts to go, you need to either fess up to your woman and start a new chapter in the sexual relationship (incorporate some bondage etc.)…or you have to man up and make sure you provide the goods. As long as you do that, there’s no problem in being a dirty sissy slut.

Conclusion

I’ve been writing and reading about crossgender sexuality for a couple of years now, and I really am amazed by its quantum nature: it combines elements of heterosexuality, bisexuality, transgender, domination and submission all at the same time. In my opinion that makes it a remarkably sophisticated and unique form of human sexuality.

Be proud!

 

 

The psychology and sexology of choosing a super-hero uniform for fancy-dress

Super hero / Adventure hero

ADMIN: (Please remember – this is a humorous mock scientific theory!)

It has long been known by sexologists that most men are disposed favorably to micro-rectal interpolations, or, as we say in common parlance…

… ‘a finger up the bum’.

Unfortunately, for most men, however, they’re unlikely to find a willing female partner in this practice. Until now!

We discovered that girls who dress as superheroes and adventurers are twenty times more likely to introduce their fingers or inanimate objects (such as a strap-on) into the male bottom. Such girls dress as Lara Croft or Storm to broadcast their desire to dominate men. They may appear to be completely normal in their day to day lives but, according to our research, are likely to have you gagged and bound before the night is over.

The psychology and sexology of choosing a French Maid’s costume

 

Why choose a French Maid’s costume?

A maid is a domestic servant who works for the Master and Mistress of a house. It doesn’t take a PHD is sexology to realize that it’s the choice for submissive girls with a strong fetish for humiliation and masochism. However, the fascinating thing our researchers discovered is what the choice of uniform says about their current state of submission:

…. that she’s actively looking for a master or a mistress right now.

Girls who choose to dress as a maid are subconsciously broadcasting to their peers that they are frustrated sexually. They know that what they really need is a strong hand and they’re just not getting it. They use fancy dress, therefore, to inform any alphas in the community that they are open to submission.

 

I hate the word ‘sissy’! Here are 6 alternatives…

There’s been some tension amongst our small team of bloggers about the word ‘sissy’. As many of my readers know…I just can’t get comfortable with it.

That’s why, every few weeks, I tend to have a minor ding-dong with Elle about her constant and unrelenting use of the word. This finally blew up in a testy e-mail exchange and that’s when she challenged me to find a synonym or replacement for the word, ‘sissy.’

I thought I’d share my results with you.

1. Syster

I love the word ‘sister’ and ‘sisterhood’ so came up with the obvious trick of infusing the word with a ‘y’ from ‘sissy.’ Of course, it’s fundamentally flawed because when you speak it you don’t know the ‘y’ is there.

2. Padavka

This is the  straightforward linguistic approach. After translating the word ‘sissy’ into 56 languages on Google translate (in many languages they simply use the English, sissy) I liked ‘Padavka’ the most. It’s Czech. Other candidates included…

  • Vekling (Swedish)
  • Curica (Bulgarian)
  • Nezhenka (Russian)

3. He-fail

Ok, obviously this one is just a joke, but as the sissy community is diverse I thought I’d throw a bone to our masochist friends.

4. Blonde on the Inside

Ok, this isn’t a noun, but I thought it was a pretty good euphemism – the sissy equivalent of ‘he’s batting for the pink team.’ One of the principle characteristics of crossgender fantasy is the stark difference between the real you and the fantasy you. Many of us are ‘blonde on the inside.’

5. Femeleon

I’ll admit that I may have started to get a little tangential here. Okay…a sissy changes its appearance in a ‘fem’ way, but now I think of it, this is a little bit too Xmen.

6. Novagirl

This comes from the Latin ‘nova’ for ‘new’. I liked this name so much that I decided to buy the domain and change the name of my website (a hasty decision I’m starting to realize!) However, I still love the term because I’m generally obssessed with starting a new life…especially as a girl.

Conclusion

Well, I don’t think I’ve found a definitive or adequate substitute for the word, sissy, but I had a lot of fun along the way. Tell me in the comments section what you think would be a good substitute…or are you a ‘sissy’ loyalist?

The End…

 

My wife caught me watching forced feminisation porn – help!

Dear Felix,

I’ll get straight to the point. Two days ago I was caught by my wife in an extremely compromising position, watching hardcore Lustomic forced feminisation porn. Having read your article on ‘should I tell my wife about my crossdreaming’ I was hoping you might be able to tell me how the hell I can fix this situation. My wife won’t even talk to my right now.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I wish that some sophisticated yet soothing words rushed to my lips, but the first thing that comes to mind is just….

 

I’m not gonna lie to you… this is some bad shit. I mean, there’s porn that everyone knows… two big titted blonde lesbian nurses spanking each other, but forced feminisation is a whole other level. And the worse is… she caught you in the act… so you can’t even go for the old ‘I was doing some research’ defence.

For a wife who knows nothing about her husband’s autogynephiliac tendencies… it must be one hell of a shock. Like… totally unexpected. I guess when you say ‘hardcore’ you mean the whole forced feminisation nine yards… which means she can’t even think her husband is just a comunal garden crossdresser, but a sado masochistic crossdresser who likes anal. I don’t want to make you feel worse but I think it’s important you see the gravity of the situation… including the possibility she might tell someone else about it. We really have a problem here.

When you have a problem like this and there’s a possibility that a marriage (and therefore complications with your children) are at stake… you have to be smart. That means… first of all… pleading the fifth: keep your mouth shut… and don’t open it until you know exactly what you’re going to do. Men are fools… and inevitably, while trying to make their wives feel better, say something stupid and ill considered that makes it worse. So…

Step one: Schedule a time and place to talk about it with your wife. In the meantime – neither skulk around being all gimp-like (you’ve shown enough of that already) but neither walk around as if nothing happened. Be calm and considerate.

Step 2: Take a half day off work.

Solving problems is an art. You need to get a few hours completely free, a peaceful place, and a pen and paper (or Google Keep if you’re walking with your phone). Then you gotta answer the following question…

Step 3: “What do I want?”

Before we invest any more time in this, be sure that this marriage is what you want. The fact your wife didn’t know about your sexuality isn’t a good sign. However, I’ll presume the answer is ‘yes’.

Step 4: Decide if you’re gonna go for… ‘The truth, the half truth, or… nothing like the truth.’

Honesty is always the best policy. Lies are not just morally bankrupt but a symptom of a life that is inauthentic and relationships that are false. There’s no doubt in my mind that telling the truth is your number one responsibility.

But, as we say in the philosophy business… “What is the truth?”

The truth is, without getting all Game of Thrones and shit, a many faced God, and if children are involved (ie… a custody battle) who’s going to start getting all noble about the truth if it will damage your relationship with your children?

So, while your moral responsibility is the truth, I will (as your advisor) give you three different angles, starting with the most outrageous.

Step 5 A: Flat out denial

This strategy reminds me of Renee in Allo Allo when he is caught kissing Yvett: “You stupid woman…”. The flat out denial states that you had actually lost interest in the porn site fifteen minutes before, and were simply masturbating to your own fantasy while x hamster continued in the background. As everyone knows these videos are pretty random and come from playlists you had nothing to do with. “Jesus, you think if I was into that shit I would be able to have normal sex? God… how ridiculous!… you stupid woman.” (Obviously, you don’t say ‘you stupid woman’ but I add it because that’s essentially what you’re doing. This is a pretty low blow, cowardly, and I feel bad even telling you this strategy. It should only be used if something unjust and terrible will happen if you fess up.)

It can be adapted or completely changed, but basically you go all OJ Simpson and deny it all the way (but don’t get caught again… pulling off the ‘you stupid woman’ play a second time is not viable: “it was just a coincidence… that there was another forced fem video in the background.”)

Step 5 B: The truth burger

A truth burger has the truth at its center but is cushioned by the soft, pliable dough of fact management.

Is that so bad? Society is still very repressed and homo/transphobic… and even if your wife is a liberal she may suffer from these things. Therefore, there is an argument that as society is prejudiced and repressed and unfair about these things… you don’t have to be completely fair ie. truthful.

The truth burger would go something like this…

“I am a man with broad sexual tastes… and one of those I will admit is female domination. Dominatrixes turn me on… but so do beautiful Latin women and girl on girl action and lots of things. The particular video you saw is not something I’m really into but I’m a big fan of the dominatrix in it… and it was the only one I could find.”

With the truth burger you basically admit you’re a little kinky but hold off on the feminisation part.

Step 5 C: Man up

The great irony of manning up, of course, is that you’ll be revealing yourself to be a dress wearing pansy.

(Editor’s note… we do not use the term ‘man up’ or ‘pansy’ as they are clearly problematic, but Felix insists he was being ironic.)

However, it is clear that this is the path of honesty and courage. If you go for it then I applaud you… but remember that there are different ways of presenting the truth.

If you are explaining crossdreaming to your wife I would emphasize one key fact: that you are fundamentally heterosexual… you like sex with her, you like sex with women, you do not habitually cross dress and you will not be doing the Caitlyn. You are a man… but you have a mildly transgender nature… and this sometimes manifests itself in your sexual fantasies. As for that specific video… you don’t like watching the guys (which I presume is true) you just like the dominatrix… that’s what turns you on. (I think the whole forced thing is something you should downplay – not for reasons of deceit but just because despite my effort to explain it in two articles… it’s hard to understand, and will just confuse her.)

 

Step 6: Decide where to go from hereon in

I think an unsatisfactory outcome is that you manage to bluff your way through this but it’s always there in the background. Every time there is a mention of bondage or cross dressing in a movie the two of you both feel uncomfortable. I really recommend that – whatever strategy you choose – the issue is definitively dealt with.

As a couple, there are two options open now: your wife can decide to explore some of this stuff with you sexually, or the two of you go all Taliban and never mention it again.

The ideal situation is that you both be honest with each other about your sex life and see the episode as a chance to introduce some new erotic elements. Encourage her to open up more and tell you her deepest fantasies. (However, remember my previous advice that if your wife does indulge your fantasies you can not let that totally dominate your sex life. You must regularly provide good old-fashioned sex and also help her act out some of her unusual fantasies.)

In the Taliban scenario… I would promise to give up porn. Let’s face it… porn is enormously problematic, and giving it up will probably be better for your karma. You could say that the whole episode has made you see porn as sordid and you want nothing to do with it ever again. You then devote yourself to upping your game in the bedroom and providing total satisfaction.

Step 7: Find out – in detail – how your wife feels about the episode

Your wife will, I’m sure, tell you how she feels…repeatedly. But I think the feelings you need to know about are those she would express to a friend. You see, she might, for a variety of reasons, forgive you, but she may – in some intangible way – have lost some of her respect for you.

You could argue that this is shallow on the part of your wife… it’s just sex after all… and we all have our kinks. However, we can not control who we are attracted to and why… and the simple fact is that she may find the whole episode completely sordid.

If that’s the case then you really need to know about it. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you is a one way ticket to unhappiness for you, for her, and your children. If she is just staying with you out of loyalty then the end will inevitably come and it’s better that happens sooner rather than later.

Conclusion

Anonymous, I know this sounds fucking corny… but in the end, you have to do what’s right. What’s right is what’s going to lead to you and your wife being happy… and I can’t see that deceit will lead to that. A general rule of thumb is that if you feel guilty about your strategy then it’s probably the wrong one… if it feels noble and sincere then it’s the right one.

However, we all have to be pragmatic. I don’t know your situation in detail, but if being noble ends with you – divorced, not seeing your kids, and hitting the bottle… then you might want to reconsider.

General advice for crossdreamers

In my opinion, you have a moral responsibility before entering into a new relationship – to tell your girlfriend about your crossdreaming (I understand, though, that for those in long relationships you may not have understood your crossdreaming when you were younger.) Of course, the danger is the relationship breaks down and then she goes tell everyone… but don’t tell her everything in one go. There are ways to do things and ways to do things.

felixconrad45@gmail.com

 

The psychology of forced feminisation and humiliation: Part-2

 

The most important thing to bear in mind if you are troubled by fantasies that involve humiliation (be they forced feminisation or sado masochism) is that such fantasies are extremely common. While there seem to be some personality types that do not enjoy it, I would argue that the vast majority of people do, and that humiliation and control are universal tools of arousal.

What differs between people is the degree of humiliation and/or control they desire. Thus, in a mild form, woman x might find it arousing when a dominant man tells her in a fatherly voice that she is a ‘good girl’ while she is giving fellatio, while in a stronger form – man x might enjoy being forced to eat his own sperm (there is an entire sub genre of porn dedicated to this desire.)

Humiliation exists right across the sexual spectrum across all orientations and different ‘fetishes.’ Furthermore, being dominated and forced to perform sex acts on the dominator, or strangers, or an entire bus load of strangers, appears in the fantasies of men and women, gay and straight, the world over.

Clothing often plays a part in such fantasies; of course, in BDSM it is often the wearing of a hood or entire latex suit, while some women like the idea of being dressed in lingerie clearly designed to illicit sexual excitement… and so on and so on. Therefore, if you are a crossdreamer who thinks that the whole being – dressed and forced to service men and women sexually – is unique to your fantasies, then you are mistaken.

Why is humiliation arousing?

But why is humiliation arousing in the first place? This is a fascinating question that has not been satisfactorily answered by anybody. All we have are the usual collection of psychological myths…ie… a series of semi-scientific narratives that allow us to make sense of our experience.

The weakest of these is that being forced to do something relieves the individual from the guilt of doing it voluntarily… an idea that is clearly nonsense. If you know anyone who moves in BDSM subcultures you’ll now why it’s nonsense: these enthusiasts have zero guilt about what they do and it’s a lifestyle they actively choose.

If you put a gun to my head and forced me to come up with my own theory, I would shy away from psychoanalytic explanations and move towards biological ones. I suspect that masochism derives from two principles of mating patterns. These patterns are seen in various species of mammals where…

1. A hierarchical species presents a dominant member as more desirable.

and/ or…

2. A universal drive towards seeking a strong, healthy mate.

In other words, I suspect that the humiliation/control angle stimulates a deeply held biological drive towards those who dominate the hierarchy, or – in being utterly controled by a superior / stronger mate – we feel we have found a strong dependable vessel to pass on our genes and are thus sexually drawn towards such strength.

Please forgive me for such outrageous speculation. I return to my original point: the simple fact is we don’t know why humiliation is arousing. We just know that it is.

 

The logic of forced fantasies – part 2

In part 1 of this article we talked of the logic of forced fantasies and stated that any fantasy which is dificult to attain in reality will always develop a forced version as this makes the dificult to attain fantasy… more viable – and thus more arousing (please read the article for futher explanation).

This is a great way of introducing a similar point and expanding on the central theme of these articles: that crossdreamers worry about what such fantasies mean and how these fantasies reflect on them, but such fantasies actually show nothing about the crossdreamer who has them… they are simply logical consequences of being a crossdreamer and liking (to some degree) humiliation as a tool of arousal.

To understand this point you must understand something about humiliation in a sexual context: humiliation must be personalised to the submissive and WORKS BEST IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO BE HUMILIATED ABOUT. Thus…

    1. – A married, bisexual man being dominated by a woman and forced to suck a man will like to be called… ‘a dirty faggot’.
    1. – A heterosexual woman who likes being gang banged and is being dominated by a man will like to be called ‘a filthy slut’.
    1. – A crossdreamer being dominated will like to be called a ‘filthy slut’ or depending on his interpretation of the term – ‘a dirty sissy’ (if the term is another word for ‘gay’ he won’t like it… if it means a man who is effeminate, he will).
    1. – A heterosexual man with a small penis, no gender variance or bisexual leanings being dominated by a woman will like to be called ‘a pathetic tiny cocked loser.’
    – A heterosexual man who’s impotent/lousy in the sack, with no gender variance or bisexual leanings being dominated by a woman, will like to be called ‘a pathetic loser who can’t satisfy a woman’ and will probably be into cuckolding.

In each case the dominator will take some characteristic of the submissive which the submissive feels shame about (that he’s bi, or has a small cock, or dresses as a woman) and use it as the rod to beat him and humiliate him with.

The important point is this… if you have forced feminisation fantasies or forced lesbian fantasies or cuckolding fantasies, there is nothing weird specifically about you. It is a logical consequence of liking – to some degree – (as most people do) a bit of humiliation now and again. Liking both humiliation and crossdressing, for example, makes it unavoidable that you will fantasise about being humiliated crossdressing because it is the easiest, most available means of humiliating you.

Here is a summary of the logic.

1. Most people like humiliation and control – to some degree.
2. Humiliation and control require something to be humiliated about and controlled into doing (any desires or characteristics the submissive finds shameful but enjoys.)
3. In your fantasy you will have the dominator choose the most obvious thing about you that makes you ashamed and that you enjoy. Thus, if feminisation turns you on and you are ashamed of it – you will clearly choose this as the scenario.

Conclusion

I therefore see nothing perverted or unusual about men who like fantasising about being forced feminised and being humiliated at the same time. Most people like bondage – including crossdreamers – and it is logical their form of bondage centres on crossgender themes.

Is habitual masochistic fantasy bad for you in some way?

While conducting some research on this topic I read that some psychiatrists have now gone completely the other direction with respect to masochism and believe that the occasional dose of bondage and humiliation might actually be cathartic. In other words, it might have some benefit to mental health. That is a fascinating idea.

However, the key phrase here is ‘now and again.’ While forced fantasies and humiliation should never been seen as wrong or dirty, my personal view is that an element of self regulation is good. This is entirely personal and the advice is given as such, but the thoughts, ideas and fantasies which cross our mind – colour that mind… they affect the smell, taste and appearance of our internal world. As sex is such a recurring subject in our thoughts, I would be wary of allowing most of that thought to involve scenarios of humiliation and domination.

To conclude, therefore, I don’t think transgender people or crosdreamers should worry about any type of forced fantasies… but I think they should be enjoyed in moderation.

Learn about autogynephilia – the love of onseslf as a woman

Looking for a straightforward analysis of ‘sissy sexuality’, we recommend you jump to the following article