SO, you’re attractive, you’re young, you’re transgender…BUT YOU’S BROKER THAN A BAG LADY! How you gonna pay those medical expenses, girl?

Well, here’s one soloution…get a sugar daddy. In this video you can watch yow one young transwoman chose to ‘befriend’ an older man on the understanding he gets his wallet out. People might rush to judgement but let’s face it – you gotta do what you gotta do.

Here’s a different soloution: modelling. Problem is that both soloutions require being beautiful!

And while we’re talking about the price of surgeries, here’s a transwoman who’s spent 250,000 dollars?

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  1. A good friend of mine who has fully transitioned went this exact route — but let me be honest to her, she isn’t a hypocrite. She really loved her sugar daddies — more than one, in fact.

    Here is how it happens. She was originally born in a small village in a distant developing country where people are not exactly tolerant about LGBT people — the environment is too small for that. She wasn’t exactly rich, either. So she came over to my country (which is not exactly rich, either, but a bit better — and a bit more tolerant too) to finish her education. There are some financial incentives for that, but it was clear for her that she would need an extra source of money to survive — and to pay for the cost of her hormone treatments and vast female apparel.

    So this meant dating until she found the ‘right’ guy — basically, someone who couldn’t care less if she was a woman or a man, but who loved her for what she was. Ironically, unlike what the videos suggest, she wasn’t exactly very good-looking — she was overweight to the point that she got diabetes, and her male features were anything but attractive, even for a male, much less for a woman. In fact, she had come out as gay some years back — until she found that sex with other gay men was not satisfactory. What she wanted, and needed, was to have a sexual partner who was a heterosexual male. But of course heterosexual males are not interested in other males; so she ‘decided’ that she ought to have a female body instead. This might sound a bit surprising when put this way, but this is her logical reasoning as she described it to me, and I have since then read of many accounts (and even physically known someone else with exactly the same way of thinking!) with the very same narrative. In other words: these MtF trans people only know that they are attracted to males, and they are enticed by the beauty of the male body, but, somehow, it never feels right for them to have homosexual intercourse. Also, they are not especially fond of ‘gay men’. This leads them to question if they are, indeed, ‘gay’ — and more often than not, they figure out that what they really like is to become the female partner of a heterosexual male. Thus the ‘discovery’ of their transgenderity, and the push towards HRT, surgery, and legal change of name.

    My friend eventually found someone who had a friend who was quite keen in having a trans woman as a partner. The story now gets complicated — and tragic. Because my country allows same-sex marriages, while my friend had barely started her hormonal treatments, she got married to her husband even before the legal name change — to the shock and horror to her husband’s family, who stopped talking to him (and obviously also not to her, either). They couldn’t care less. He was a police officer, and they have reasonably good health care, which allowed her to at least get rid of diabetes by doing a gastric bypass. The results were astonishing (if you have a friend who did a gastric bypass, you know how great that works) — she very quickly lost weight and after a few weeks was already ‘cured’ from diabetes. Now she had way more choices of dressing as a woman, and her hubby was more than eager to see her blossoming.

    She is a wonderful housewife, make no mistake — truly dedicated to her husband, and she did everything for him with sweetness born of true love. There was no ‘faking’ there — of course she knew that he was her best chance for transitioning and living as a woman, and he was also aware of that, but both really loved each other.

    While she was progressing in her transition, and starting to consult with doctors for her surgeries, disaster struck. Her husband — although still really young! — was diagnosed with a terminal disease, of the fulminating kind: while he just went to the doctor because of a cough which he attributed to the ‘flu, actually his situation would get worse exponentially. It’s the kind of disease that one really has no chance of a cure — way worse than cancer! And it’s not a question of early diagnosis, either — unfortunately, it’s a time-bomb ticking away in the genes, and once the disease is triggered, without warning, one just has months to live. The first thing to go away is the ability to walk, and one gets stuck to a wheelchair after just a few weeks. Then even speech becomes harder and harder until it becomes impossible; at that time, one also loses the ability to take care of oneself; and eventually the end is near after just a few weeks when the lungs stop drawing in air. It’s really horrible, especially because there are no warning signs, and one goes from a totally healthy individual (remember, this guy worked as a police officer, and not exactly as a sedentary secretary behind a desk — he was physically very fit to run after criminals) to a cadaver in a few months, sometimes even less than that.

    My friend was the perfect nurse, and with tenderness she took care of him, something which became more and more difficult with every day that passed, as he was able to do less and less things to take care of himself. She fully and totally dedicated herself for his well-being. And they decided to spend the rest of his life by doing a honeymoon in her home country — those would be their last memories together.

    But my friend is a tough person. Perhaps all trans people are, because they have to bear with so much suffering. She was able to successfully deal with all the bureaucracy and complications of the funeral and its aftermath (my country is insane with the paperwork when someone dies…). Her husband’s family, at the beginning, started to earn some respect for her because she took care of her husband so well during those last weeks. But her parents-in-law were utterly devastated by the loss — and, ironically, it was she who got to comfort them in their mutual loss. Day by day they softened a bit towards her; on one hand, they were still transphobic and did not approve of what their son had done; but on the other hand, she was legally ‘family’, and actually the only person who was willing to take care of them during this difficult time. The rest of the family sort of tried to quickly forget what happened, still despising the choice of ‘wife’, and not wanting to do anything with them. That was also harsh for the parents — they mourned their son, no matter how much they disagreed with his choices. And my friend was the only one available to comfort them — and later to also help them out in their daily chores, since she had free time (she didn’t work at the time, and her studies did not occupy much time either), unlike her brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law.

    The story continues with a few twists, and that’s why I’m bothering to write it. After the funeral, my friend had to think what to do with her life from now on. Ironically, the guy who got them together gave her some support during this phase — he had divorced his own wife recently — and helped her to navigate the complex bureaucracy of my own country. They quickly figured out that she, as a wife of a police officer, was entitled to some sustenance from the State. We’re by far not like the US, which obsessively cares for everybody who served the State — but we still try to give partners of a police officer some aid. As a widow she continued to get access to the police force’s health care system — and she was the first person in my country to get the police health care to pay for her surgeries. For now that everything was settled, her life had to go on, and the first thing would be to do what she and her late husband had agreed long ago, which would be a full transition. She would respect his wishes and not delay it further. So, while still in mourning, she signed up for a triple surgery — top, bottom, and a tummy tuck, all at the same time (she even wanted a rhinoplasty but her surgeon already said that she was doing way too many things!). This is in general not a very good idea, because recovering from all that takes ages, even when done separately. But — I told you that my friend is tough, right?

    I saw her a few days after waking up from surgery, and by then it was already clear that the transformation after surgery was more than successful. It embarrasses me to admit it, but I got hard when she showed me her body beneath the bedsheets — because it was clearly the body of a sexy woman, not of the overweight male I had known, which had simply disappeared forever.

    As the story unfolds, my friend had two choices — one would be to go home to her family for recovery, but the flight was not recommended for someone trying to recover from triple surgery and who could not even sit down (or pee properly without a catheter!) and had terrible back and chest pain. She was also incredibly weak — not only because of the surgeries themselves, but aggravated by the fact that the gastric bypass was shortly followed by a tummy tuck, meaning that she was still somehow getting used to eating again (it takes a few weeks at least), albeit not as much as before… and now had to deal with the recovery from the triple surgery. Needless to say that it took way longer than we usually read about transgender people recovering from surgery.

    Her second choice was to stay here in Portugal during her recovery. Well, of course she inherited her husband’s apartment and car, but she couldn’t take care of herself after leaving hospital — she was simply too weak for that. I believe that one of her sisters, as well as a good friend, came over for a while to help her out, but eventually they had to fly back home. So the person who took care of her was this guy who had introduced her husband — and who was his best man, and, at least from the perspective of Catholicism, he was morally bound to help her in her grief… which he did, just because he was now single as well. She helped her out to recover fully — which took really many months — and eventually (and not surprisingly!) they fell in love with each other.

    They’re not married yet as far as I know but certainly live together in bliss. The curious thing about the story is that her boyfriend was not exactly attracted to trans women or gay men; he was certainly bi-curious and had this fetish of dating crossdressers and/or transvestites, but let’s say that it was not at the top of his mind. However, my friend was now fully a woman — and what a woman! She’s a beauty, light-years away from how she looked as a male; she got curvy in ways that are unbelievable, taking into account that her hips are male and she didn’t have any surgery there. She’s classy, a natural blonde with blue eyes, and a very interesting and fascinating person; and, of course, she’s totally devoted to whomever conquers her heart, and I’m absolutely sure that she takes care of her boyfriend with the same kindness and devotion that she did to her late husband.

    Technically, this new boyfriend is not really a ‘sugar daddy’ — having inherited at least some means of survival from her late husband (a roof, a car, and a pension for life, as well as access to free health care in the best hospitals), she is financially independent. Not rich, but she doesn’t need to work to survive, either. Obviously having this new boyfriend means even more financial security, but it wouldn’t strictly be necessary.

    Her story is possibly unique, and, if my country had people willing to finance it, it could be made into a very interesting movie — one that raises a lot of questions, moral and otherwise. If you met my friend, you wouldn’t think of her as a cunning, cold-hearted person who planned her life step-by-step to live as she wants; she is warm, friendly, smiling all the time again (there will always be a shadow in her bright eyes, though, but most people who never met her before would never notice it), funny, great at parties, and absolutely charming in her devotion and love with her boyfriend. But her story is one of hardship and tragedy, and she was always pushed by Fate towards the unknown. From coming out as gay in a small conservative village where everybody knows everybody, having to escape across an ocean towards a foreign country where she could study and find some tolerance, figuring out that after all she was transgender and not homosexual, then finding her love by chance — and losing it tragically after such a short while, to an unexpected twist where she actually got the money and the means to go through one of the most successful transitions that I’ve personally been acquainted with, and finding love again — that’s certainly the raw material for a movie with a wonderful love story with lots of twists and challenging morals.

    Oh… last but not least… I should say that the country my friend comes from is particularly sexist, where women are supposed to be something close to devoted slaves to their husbands. Most actually enjoy it (yes, I know it’s horrible to admit it) because, in return, they pay them for everything, and I mean everything, and rarely question the expenses (because there will be always a boyfriend next door willing to pay…). You could sarcastically (or hypocritically) consider that a country where women are supposed (and definitely educated) to ‘get’ sugar daddies. They make exceptionally good housewives and delight in that; and such an attitude is transversal across the whole country and the many social layers (and they have many) except perhaps at the very top of the pyramid (and even at the top, the attitude towards women would still be frowned upon by many societies, including my own). Trans women know that, and they follow the steps of cis women. In fact, unfortunately, in that country most trans women are ostracised and live in absolute poverty, and their only way out is really by getting a husband — which is hard enough for cis women living in poverty, and way harder even for trans women — or, well, become sexual workers. The trouble here is that once you literally become a whore, even against your will, it will be tremendously difficult to get a ‘serious’ man to take you as your wife and give you a ‘normal’ life. On the other hand, catching a sugar daddy when you live in abject poverty is very hard; and what my friend did, emigrating to my country and actually finding a sugar daddy here, is extremely rare — almost all trans women emigrating here have opted for the easier way out, that is, becoming sex workers…

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