EDITOR’S NOTE: ‘Feminization’ in this article does not refer to forced or erotic feminization, but a genuine desire to make oneself look female.
1. THE PROBLEM:
Last Tuesday, a comment was posted by ‘sissymelissa84’ about how painful it was to look at our ‘Instagram Alpha-Girl’ post.
It made me realize that Instagram beauties don’t just put pressure on young girls to be beautiful, but also on young boys who want to be girls…
Even more worrying was her description of looking in the mirror.
Then she finished by asking today’s question…
“I don’t want to be a man. But it’s just so overwhelming all the things I have to change…where do I even begin to feminize myself?”
Variants of this question often arrive in our mailbox: a sissy professes that their head spins as soon as they decide to self-feminize.
Today, I will be sharing my thoughts on the issue, as it was exact the same question I faced when designing our True Feminization program.
IS THERE A DEFINITIVE ‘OPTIMUM’ STARTING POINT FOR FEMINIZATION?
Basically, there’s no definitive or ‘correct’ answer. The moment you start analyzing it, you see that the best starting point for feminization is subjective, because…
- The meaning of ‘feminine’ itself is subjective, so we all prioritize certain ‘feminine’ objectives over others.
- Transgender psychology is a nascent field. There’s no definitive study on where feminization should start, leaving you to personal preference/philosophy.
So today I’m sharing an opinion, based on my beliefs about femininity, feminism and female experience; and I’m not trying to dictate to anyone (except my squirming chattels.)
5 REASONS WHY FEMINIZATION SHOULD BEGIN WITH THE MIND… AND NOT WITH SURGERIES AND HORMONES…
In my opinion, two options must be immediately discounted…
….hormones and surgery.
1: Common Sense
The future result of your feminization project is unknown; therefore, it makes no sense to invest significant resources. You don’t know if the desired outcome will be achieved. Surgeries and hormones…
- cost money.
- cause irreversible bodily changes.
- cause disruption to social and professional relationships (you have to inform people why you have breasts, for example.)
- require logistical input – organizing doctor’s meetings, transport etc.
This investment of financial, social and logistical capital is fine if we know everyone will be happy with the results (and the sissy blossoms into a novagirl).
But what if she changes her mind? What if she prefers being a sissy? What if familial or other obligations intercede and she needs to look male again? What if she realizes that she won’t look feminine at all… and throws in the towel?
Such uncertainty dictates caution and the need for a starting point that is cheaper and more discreet.
2: Passing the entrance exam
If you want to become an American citizen you have to pass an exam demonstrating your grasp of American culture.
While I’m not suggesting an exam entry for the female gender, there should be a commitment to learn about the history, culture and socio-economic status of women.
Of course, some readers will respond with horror at this notion, because they feel they are unconditionally, divinely appointed, self-evidently… entitled to be female. And maybe they are.
But rights is not the issue I’m concerned about, nor those awful buzzwords – ‘privilege’ and ‘entitlement’. I am concerned with respect.
It seems to me a simple question of respect that, before growing breasts and surgeries, you prepare yourself for femininity by developing an appreciation for the struggle of women, the voices of women, and the preoccupations of women.
This does not mean doing a Masters in gender studies at Columbia-university, but at least…. a few good books on relevant topics.
And if you want to start off with a delightful, fun read… I recommend this…
3: Mental Health Issues
The vast majority of adult biological males – who want to transition to female – suffer from some form of mental illness such as anxiety, depression or addiction.
This is not because transgender people or sissies are more prone to mental illness, but that the vast majority of adults suffer from these illnesses.
In my experience, a full-on transition (i.e. hormones and/or surgeries) combined with mental illness, makes existing problems worse. From a therapeutic view, you’re adding a whole load of problems to the list of things that need sorting: stress about passing, money problems, family issues, health issues, relationship issues, and 101 other things that go with transition.
There’s a a reason that humans go on retreats to sort ourselves out, or we send people to rehab far away from their family. It’s because the best way to get to the heart of the issue is to cut out the surrounding noise. Transition adds noise.
It also masks issues, and makes every problem look like a transition problem. Although your problems go beyond gender, you start to equate your depression or addiction or anxiety with not having transitioned successfully. You think that if you can only have surgery x and reach x standard of femininity, then all will be solved. But it won’t be. The problem is deeper than gender but is now drowned out by the drama of transition.
Also, recovering from mental illness requires clarity. Female hormones, however, change the way a biological male thinks. They can make you euphoric or anxious or tired or sexy or sexless or over emotional, and how are you supposed to know what’s real or…
…just the hormones?
A more prudent path is a softer feminization which includes a process of healing all the nasty habits and trauma that you picked up as a male.
Do it that way and you can embrace the deeper feminization of hormones and surgeries with a clean bill of health. The choice is made with clearer eyes, a happier soul, and a better chance of success.
4: The Feminization of The Mind
To be a woman is not only to have breasts and a vagina. It is to inhabit a mental universe of thought, emotion and behavior that’s different from that of a male. In other words, men and women are fundamentally different, and it’s not just that men read maps better.
Women are the custodians of humanity. We conceive and carry and birth new lives. This means that even when we become soldiers, entrepreneurs or surgeons (and don’t have children), we’re still programed for creation, nurturing, growth, family, stability. That is the origins of our superior social skills, our instinct towards compromise and peace, and our aversion to risk and excess.
Men, however, are not programmed to create stable social groups. They are programmed to dominate them. And if they can’t dominate, they’ll get as close to the center of power as they can. Men suffer from an intrinsic restlessness which makes them challenge the status quo, and because nurturing children is a preference – not a biological imperative – they’re more excessive and ready to take risks. Also, they are able to think in a more calculated, cold, and selfish, manner.
Men who don’t believe in this difference like to start talking about neurology and psychology and data sets. But I don’t need those things. I just need a history book. Tell me…
…how many wars or famines or genocides or mass shootings or concentration camps were created by women?
So, I believe that men and women are fundamentally different. And this is one of the most important facts about our species. However, another important fact about our species is that we are adaptive. We learn. And thus… male minds can be reconditioned into female minds. And that is where I start my novagirls on the path to feminization.
To explore the female mind (rather than focus on the body) is to reject the malignant vanity of the InstaGeist. It’s our society’s obsession with appearance that leads the novagirl to immediately think of the physicality of womanhood, when it is more rewarding to prioritize the mental.
On our program, we train novagirls to communicate more effectively, to listen, to ask the right questions, to resolve conflicts, to eliminate vice, to focus the mind, and to practice moderation in all things. These improvements create real world benefits in terms of relationships, health and career.
Furthermore, mental feminization accelerates the healing of mental pathologies we mentioned earlier. It’s as if novagirl had been waiting her whole life for precisely this event (the feminization of her mind) to feel complete. Then she is truly ready for the feminization of her body.*
*Just to be clear, I do believe that the feminization of body and face are fundamentally important. I’m just arguing that it should come later in the process.
One of the biggest impediments to successful transition is fear. Namely, the fear that people don’t see you as a woman, and a paranoia that they’re looking at you, knowing, thinking, saying to themselves that you’re biologically male.
The greatest insurance against that fear is preparation. You need to practice and acquire femininity at your own pace with a high degree of thoroughness. If you begin surgeries and hormones before acquiring a feminine walk, talk, make up skills (and a zillion other aspects of feminine existence) it’s like flying an aircraft before completing your training.
The learning on the job philosophy (full transition) is much more difficult because you are in the public spotlight. It’s much better to go slow and steady and build your confidence.
OKAY ELLE, YOU’VE DONE THE CAVEATS… NOW TELL US EXACTLY WHERE FEMINIZATION SHOULD BEGIN…
The starting point which I chose for The True feminization program combines physical, mental and behavioral dimensions. It is this…
WHY I CHOSE ‘WEIGHT’
Losing weight is…
⦁ A self-esteem booster.
⦁ Discreet. (No need to announce anything dramatic to loved ones about transition.)
⦁ Increases the possibility of a feminine appearance (Being fat is a minor disaster for a biological female… a total disaster for a novagirl.)
⦁ Men eat more, smoke more, drink more, use drugs more. In fact, one of the archetypal male degeneracies is excess. Learning to eat less is a good starting point to temper this weaknesses and introduce a female strength: moderation. Diet and nutrition is, therefore, a great way of combining the transformation of the body and the mind.
Watch a video preview of Elle’s True Feminization Program