Step 9 of the Fusion Program:: Get tough on gender dysphoria
Now that we have begun to explore some of the amazing, positive steps you can take to move your life forward… it’s time for a bit of a downer. This is because it is exactly what will happen to you in the next few months… you’ll be flying high and then one day you’ll deflate. And what will cause it? Our old nemesis… gender dysphoria.
Yes, I’m sorry to tell you that even when you achieve fusion, your gender dysphoria won’t go away. It will be diminished, it will be reduced in frequency and intensity, but it will still pop in there from time to time.
Once a transsexual decides they belong to the other gender, and they feel that in the core of their being… it becomes a part of their makeup. Even individuals who undergo surgery can still experience dysphoria at the level of femininity they have achieved compared to what they want. So, while fusion allows you to control the dysphoria and put it to rest, it will still come out to grab a little air from time to time. It is better you understand this now because being prepared for something is the first step in dealing with it… the alternative is fooling yourself the problem is done with, and then end up surprised and shocked when you realise it’s not.
Therefore, just as we talked about ongoing femephilia, dysphoria needs to be managed. I would like to spend some time talking about it, therefore, so that when it does pop in there you know how to deal with it. Let’s start, with a simple question… what is it exactly?
Gender dysphoria is an umbrella term for a number of negative emotions transgender people feel with respect to their gender. Sometimes it is a mild sadness, sometimes a deep sadness, sometimes it is anger, sometimes it is an intense desire which causes distress because that desire will never be realised. All of these emotions are a part of Gender Dysphoria.
What is particularly cruel about GD is that the sufferer is constantly exposed to stimuli both internally and externally which remind him of his dysphoria. Every time he walks in the street a male to female transsexual sees women… every time he switches on the television… every time he reads a magazine online. If he has femephiliac erotic interests, then even in his most private moments, he is reminded of what he wants to be and therefore of what he is not.
Now, there are a number of possible different treatments for gender dysphoria which follow logically from its components above.
1. Remove or reduce the intense need.
Many health care practitioners currently employ this strategy, using hormonal treatments. For reasons that are not entirely clear, reducing testosterone and the libido seems to reduce the intensity of dysphoria as does the addition of oestrogen into the body.
On paper this seems like the perfect strategy… however, there are a number of side effects. Obviously, the introduction of female hormones will cause the long term feminisation of the body… breasts, redistribution of fat, reduction in body hair, some shrinkage of the penis and testicles plus fertility complications. One man’s side effect is another man’s bonus, though, and you may, as a transsexual, regard these benefits as a plus. If you do, then this is the treatment for you… however, there is one consequence which you may not like… the decimation of your libido. It should eventually return… but this will take a long time and is not guaranteed.
Now, before I comment on the suitability of hormones as a treatment for gender dysphoria… remember the happy rule (and it’s caveats). If hormones solve your gender dysphoria and make you much happier than you were before then who the hell am I or anyone to tell you what’s what. My personal view, however, is that the complete overhaul of your endocrinal system for the rest of your life + infertility + libido reduction + genital shrinkage + breasts… is too high a price to pay.
Also, hormones are not just about being masculine and feminine, they are deeply connected to mood, anxiety reduction, sleep, energy, and general well-being. I have no doubt that there is an initial euphoria when you take the hormones of the opposite gender as new parts of your brain and body are activated… it must feel to the body and mind like an awakening… but once that wears off… what remains? I think then we’re back to our point of no return where whether the person is happy or not, they have to tell themselves it’s the right thing to do because they have already caused so many permanent changes to their body.
If you seek a pharmacological soloution and oestrogen is a no go, you could try a mild anti-androgen such as propecia or an anti-depressant. Both these drugs lower the libido without entirely destroying it and lowering the libido can decrease gender dysphoria. The advantage of the first – propecia – is that you will also stop any hairloss you may experience and possibly grow some hair back in the top scalp area. However, if you do choose this option do not take the recommended dose of 1 mg a day. Propecia has been shown to be effective at half that dose every two days and this is better for your body.
2.Remove the reminder: feminine avoidance therapy
If the sufferer is being constantly reminded of what they can’t be – female – then it would make sense to put oneself in a position where there are no reminders of being female. In order to do this the transsexual could either join a monastery where there was no TV or media or female visitors. Or he could lock himself in his house and disconnect the TV and internet. A definitive soloution would be to become a hermit and live in the wilderness – preferably in Afghanistan so that if he does crack and re-enter society, at least he won’t see a woman’s face.
Mmmm… I don’t think anyone will be signing up for FAV – feminine avoidance therapy – anytime soon.
3. Make the impossible possible: change gender
If the whole problem is caused by an intense desire to be the other gender then a logical solution is to become, if possible, the other gender – either by transition or surgery or both.
As discussed in our previous discussion of the question… should I transition the answer is simple: will you be significantly happier as a result? If the answer is yes then transition is a solution. The problem is, however, that people’s perception of whether they will be happy or not post-transition is a theory – usually based on an ideal vision they have of themselves as a woman. Whether to transition or not must be based on ruthless honesty and full knowledge of the facts, and limitations of the results.
Clearly, though, as in the case of hormones, there are some people for whom it is simply not viable to have sex reassignment surgery. They see the overall cost for their personal and professional life as too high. Therefore, we must discount this treatment in their case.
Fusion: an alternative treatment
Now that we’ve dealt with the most well-known treatments, let’s look at fusion. Fusion represents a different approach to gender dysphoria and it’s important you understand it so that you truly dedicate yourself to the ten steps.
Fusion is based on the idea that some (but not all) transsexuals and crossdreamers who experience gender dysphoria do not need any of the radicle treatments above. They simply need to develop their female side more, and to ensure optimal mental health (which really means – lead a happy, full life). As long as they do these two things they will not only control and manage their gender dysphoria, but they will positively thrive.
Therefore, their future relationship with gender issues isn’t actually centred on gender issues. It is a question of their lives in general. If things start to go bad personally, professionally, financially etc… then their gender issues tend to come to the fore. If they are going well, the gender issues recede to the background.
DISCLAIMER: Please remember, as ever, that the following advice is for sufferers of mild gender dysphoria or those for whom gender change is impossible. It would be entirely inappropriate for early onset transsexuals or sufferers of severe gender dysphoria.
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Step 9: Get tough on gender dysphoria
Everyone reading this book understands the difficulties of living with gender dysphoria. It seems inherently tragic and almost cruel of nature to make an individual want something which nature cannot readily provide. And everyone understands the relentless nature of that dysphoria… its persistence and intensity. However, there comes a point with gender dysphoria when you just have to – for want of a better phrase – man up.
People lose limbs all the time due to a variety of causes: landmines, car accidents, cancer, infections. For the rest of their life they not only have to try and move around but they have to see two legged people moving around with ease. At first they think they can’t go on… they dream of their lost leg, they look enviously at people on the street, they are angry at God and life and the universe for what has happened. But guess what… there comes a point where they learn that they can either wallow in self-pity and the desire for a limb they can never have… or they can accept it, move on and start thinking about what they do have.
Similarly, old people have to observe the slow, decline of their bodily function, their mind and their looks. They must accept the fact that the vast majority of people who look at them are disgusted by the thought of having sex with them… something they know is true because they thought the same about the old when they were young. However, what do they do? The great majority of old people get on with it… they are grateful for the life they had and the life they have left. They learn to accept.
We could go on all day talking of examples where ordinary people have to accept… but I think you get my point. You have to learn to accept the body you inhabit. Let’s face it… In the scheme of life’s tragedies – losing five children in a missile attack, starvation, torture, Alzheimer’s, totalitarianism, cancer of the colon, the electric chair, crack, human trafficking – a gender identity crisis is perhaps on the manageable side.
At the end of the day it’s a choice between suffering and being depressed, or accepting and being happy: you just have to ask yourself… are you going to go the rest of your life rueing your gender and thinking about something you can’t have… or are you going to think about what you’ve got and all the amazing things there are to experience and achieve and love?
You should also ask yourself if it’s right to be so focused on the desire for a different body. How about a little soul? Our bodies are just a collection of atoms arranged in a particular way. They are just vehicles for the mind. If you are going to let your life be ruined because your collection of atoms is slightly different from a woman’s collection of atoms then I would argue that you have your priorities wrong. Life is mind and soul… and the body is just a shell. Not only that, but it is a shell that degrades quickly, and even if you suddenly got the body of your dreams the clock is ticking before it begins to age and decline and become decrepit and ugly and broken.
Learn to accept what you have. You have the chance to radically change your life by incorporating your deeper female self… and if you still insist on external femininity… well, you can buy and wear all the female clothes and accessories you want… you can get a little work done on your face… you can live out your sexual fantasies. And if that’s not enough femininity for you then you are being ruled by two forces: the inner child… who stamps his feet and demands… or the man who is never satisfied and always wants more.
You must go through a process which all girls who are not beautiful go through: the slow, gradual realisation that they are not like the supermodels on TV or the girls in the pop videos or a movie star on the red carpet. At some point your average girl learns that jaws don’t drop when they enter a room and all the boys look straight past them at their beautiful friend. That is the experience of the majority of females on the planet and that is an experience that you must learn from. Your situation is similar, but you must accept that not only were you not blessed with the looks of a beautiful girl, you didn’t even get the girl’s body… all you have is your deeper female self.
If you say that you have it tougher than your average girl because you don’t even got the body, then you are stuck in the narrative of gender variance being a disorder, and of what you don’t have. This is understandable at the beginning of your gender identity crisis and for some time after… but as we said already… you have to reach a point of acceptance. That is when you must see the truth: not having a female body is the price you pay for being consummate, and being consummate is a gift of nature.