Like most people, I believe in the twenty-first century principles of equality, openness and tolerance. I also believe people should be true to themselves and to others. However, I do not have it clear whether it is wise or necessary to out yourself as transgendered, autogynephiliac or crossdreamer.
In the first place, it is not a straightforward jump out of the closet. When you tell people you’re gay they immediately know what you’re talking about. If someone wants to come out as an autogynephiliac they’re gonna have a lot of explaining to do. I give you an extract from Electra to illustrate this.
“Think of a group of adults describing their relationship with blowjobs to a panel of ordinary citizens. First up comes a heterosexual woman: “I’m a woman and I like to suck men.” Everyone on the panel nods their head in understanding. Then comes a gay guy: “I’m a man and I like to suck men.” The hetero men on the panel experience a moment of displeasure imagining it, but they certainly understand it and everyone nods their head. Then comes the autogynephiliac: “I’m a man and I like to suck men” everybody nods their head in understanding, “but I imagine that I’m a woman while I’m doing it.”
Silence.
“Err… but…if you like cock you like cock,” says one of the panel members, “why do you have to imagine you’re a female?”
“Because if I didn’t the whole experience would turn me off.”
As you’ll agree, ordinary citizens would find this hard to understand.
You could, depending on whether you are a crossdreamer or not, say it was a form of transsexuality, but the word transsexual immediately conjures up sex changes and transitioning. You might also fall foul of other inacurate labels which the listener might hoist onto you like ‘transvestite’.
The best scenario for a crossdreamer would be that the public are educated more on the issue just before he comes out. Then he says the word ‘crossdreamer’ and they understand. However, such a campaign of public education would be impossible at this time because autogynephiliacs and crossdreamers can’t agree on anything themselves.
There is also another important property of crossdreaming which makes coming out problematic: it is mostly a solo activity (however, you could argue that this is because almost all are in the closet and if they came out then it would be more community orientated.) When a gay comes out and someone sees him with his boyfriend, there is understanding on the part of the friend or family member because they see the two in love and realise that part of this is not about sex. It’s about the need for love and companionship. An autogynephiliac comes out and then people see him behaving like or dressed as a woman and they cannot see a partner. It looks like some gratuitous, personal act, and people might well ask why you have told them about things best done alone in the privacy of your home.
To conclude, I think that the best thing to do is wait until psychologists and transsexuals and crossdreamers themselves get things clearer about what they are, what they do, and why they do it. When we have a clear, coherent dialogue amongst ourselves, we can have a clear, coherent dialogue with others.
Should you come out to your wife or girlfriend, however, is a different question I will deal with in my next post.