Sexual signs…

1) An excessive sexual interest in female clothing – especially super feminine items like lingerie and items made of fabrics usually reserved for females: satin etc.

2) An elevated interest in pegging or other sexual activities where he is submissive. A tendency to lie on his back and open his legs like a woman awaiting penetration.

3) An interest in sexual fantasies where both of you are somehow involved with another man.

4) In private he will favor porn based on the above but may also use porn which explicitly centers on sissification, feminization and/or transvestism.

5) A strong desire to have chest/nipples and anus played with.

(Please note that all these sexual behaviors are features of other, unrelated sexual profiles and even if he ticked all of these boxes it would not necessarily mean he was transgender).

Behavioral signs…

1) A high degree of empathy for women and stated belief that they are the superior sex.

2) An unusual degree of interest in female fashion/makeup/lifestyle.

3) A preference for female company.

4) Unusual care and attention to personal grooming.

(Please note that all these behaviors are features of other, unrelated personality profiles and even if he ticked all of these boxes it would not necessarily mean he was transgender).

The nitty gritty

IMPORTANT: first of all, as someone outside the transgender community, you probably don’t have your terminology clear. Although there is a crossover between the two it is quite different to ask “what are the signs my husband is transgender?’ than ‘What are the signs my husband is a transvestite?’ So…let me just clarify some sexological and psychological distinctions.

Is my husband a transvestite?

There really isn’t such a thing as a transvestite…it’s an old fashioned term that misunderstands what’s truly motivating the crossdresser.

A man who is wearing female clothing for sexual pleasure is a crossdreamer (also known in pornographic culture as a ‘sissy’ or ‘autogynephiliac’). The definition of a crossdreamer is a man who gets turned on at the idea of being a woman. In other words…he doesn’t have a fetish for women’s clothing per se but a fetish for being a woman. The clothes help him to carry out his fantasy. (The ironic things is (if you’re a wife reading this) he may not even know this because very few people know about crossdreaming. Many men think they are indeed ‘transvestites’. Therefore, you now know more than him about his sexuality.)

However, it is extremely controversial to say that he has a ‘fetish’ for being a woman. Some sexologists and gender theorists believe that this form of sexuality is a milder form of transgender condition which – though mostly sexual – does indicate some deeper strain of femininity.

The most important thing you need to know, though, is that men who are into crossdreaming and crossdressing are almost always heterosexual (despite some of their fruitier fantasies) and never need to live as women the way a true transgender woman would have to. They can be just as ‘manly’ as any other man.

However, if you choose to allow him some opportunity to express this sexual behaviour, make sure that you strike a deal where a certain amount of times he has to give you the sex you want. If you allow a sexual crossdresser to fulfill their fantasies they will start to want it all the time. Remind them that sometimes you need a good old fashioned man (if that’s what you want.)

Is my husband transgender?

This is a different kettle of fish entirely because if your husband is transgender it means he believes he is a woman and he will therefore experience a desperate and compelling need to live as a woman. He may be able to resist this need, but it will take considerable effort and a certain degree of sacrifice.

Also, trying to read the signs of a transgender husband is difficult because there’s a complication: many married men who come out as transgender have a lifelong history of the type of erotic crossdressing mentioned before.

Therefore, if you discover, for example, that your husband is wearing your clothes…there are three possible explanations.

  • 1. He’s a crossdreamer and it is a purely sexual experience.
  • 2. He’s a transgender crossdreamer and it is a sexual experience…but he’s also transgender.
  • 3. He’s transgender and is just chilling out in your clothes, expressing his fem nature.

This means, therefore, that you need to stop looking for signs he’s transgender or transvestite or trans curious and straight out ask him the following question in a loving and understanding tone…

“Darling, I’ve been doing some research online because I’ve been suspecting for some time that you are wearing my clothes / watching sissy porn etc and I need to know if this is just a sexual thing or if you’re transgender?”

That is the only way you will know for sure what’s going on.

(p.s. If it turns out that he does have transgender leanings but – for your sake – he wants to continue living as a man, then I recommend he reads the following books. They are about living with intense transgender feelings while living as a happy, healthy male.)

E-mail me for advice.: felixconrad45@gmail.com (Click on image below for another article).

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7 Comments

  1. You realise that not every transgender person watches porn related to that, right? You do realise that most transgender people also don’t want to be transgender, and that coming to the realization that you can’t just wake up one day and have your nightmare be over? I don’t want to die being remembered as someone I’m not, but I’d be content with dying to be remembered for who I am. You can go and tear families apart by having people’s wives find out on their own and never realise that what you’re doing is wrong, but I’m not going to read your article and not say how offensive it is. Just chill out and stop being phobic. Also why is it that you tell people that transgender people are wrong when your name is followed by 666? You do realise that people would subjugate you for a no good worshiper of satan, right?

    • you may think this is wrong but the partners who are lied to are the victims here, i understand its hard to admit but in no circumstances is it ok to be with someone just to hide the fact your trans, people who lie like that are ruining not only their own lives but their partners too, im not phobic ive always embraced people from all walks of life, id say my partner has made me turn phobic by lying to me because up until i found his discusting pictures and videos and conversations online to people he had dressed up for in my clothes and my daughters wig i had no worry whatsoever in this department, now i hate anyone remotely sexy, its making me not enjoy sexual things any more i just feel completely used, he tells me hes not trans and it was only once but he wore my dress and corsett and fingered his ass i found the videos and it has crushed every part of me but im glad i know now, if it was upto him i wouldnthave ever found out, and i could have lived a lie, atleast now i know what im looking for, all the time he was doimg the stuff online i had no clue, and when i found out i felt like the biggest most oblivious idiot going because i did not see one sign yet the times and days he was online sometimes he was with me, he always wanted to know when i would be home which should have said it all really, the one thing that worrys me the most is that he searched transvestite prostitutes online, the thing is becsue it was all trans it makes it very easy for me to direct my negative thoughts and feelings towards that group of people but i hold just as much nger towards slaggy girls or anyone i feel is going to make my partner look and feel the things he should only really feel for me at this time, im 22. im in the peak of my life, i have a beautiful daughter that isnt my partners but he has been involved since she was 1 and shes now 3. i let him be her male role model and shre my life under an understanding that he wouldnt break my heart lie or make me regret letting him into my life so easily .
      i just dont know what im supposed to do, how im supposed to believe hes not going to mess my daughters head up and make me regret so much in my lif,e this was the man i wanted to finish off making my family with and grow old with but now i dont feel liike i know him at all, what he says and what hes done are so different i dont think even he knows what he wants, but i know when he decides he wants something, even if it means hurting me or my daughter im scared he wont even hesitate…
      we should have more ways to check up on peoples internet hisory, it should be the law that if you want to find out what a persons really like they should have to tell you even if there in denial and if there not ok with that they should just leave, its not fair to hold waiting on a hope that youd have a life together when you dont even know if they are the person you want, if your the person you want to be and if they would still fancy you if you decided to transition. im straight always have been and always will be, and after what hes done i dont think i could ever find a trans attractive when i still have flashbacks of what i saw, having ptsd really doesnt help in this situation either and anyone struggling with personal identity problems should know how hard it feeling like your living a lie, but the partners who are being lied to find out eventually and then they have to reflect feeling not only like theyve lived a lie but that they have been stupid and clueless and absolute doormats for the duration of the lying/cheating. and fyi anyone who decides to cheat online but use the line i didnt physically cheat or that its not really cheating, trust me its worse, i didnt checck my routr for history, just his gmail. it was logged in and i found loads of junk then i found the apps and then i looked into the activity log and there was so much its still all spinning in my head and i found out 3months ago. its the lies that hirt the most. and knowing i dont know how to tell the difference between the truth and a lie. anyway ive rambled on but i hope if anyone reads this and is in a similar situation to me that you can find something in here that makes you not feel so alone, and if you wish to, please feel free to reply to my comment. it would be nice to find just one person who can understand what im going through.

      • Dealing with this now can’t believe it , don’t want to stay with him it hurts and I keep finding clothes he hid of mine and my high heals and he acts like he don’t know how they got there so fed of deserve better than this what should I do

      • Dealing with this now can’t believe it , don’t want to stay with him it hurts and I keep finding clothes he hid of mine and my high heals and he acts like he don’t know how they got there so fed of deserve better than this what should I do

        • Dear Amy,

          the first thing you should do is decide whether it is the lies that make you angry, or the crossdressing itself. Or both. If the problem is the lies then you have to confront him and warn him that if he continues to be dishonest then you will terminate the relationship.

          If you don’t like your husband’s crossdressing then you have various options…

          1) Reflect on the behaviour and decide to be more accepting.
          2) ” ” and decide you don’t like it and prohibit it.
          3) Allow him to do it when you’re not there.
          4) Decide that you dislike this behaviour so much that you terminate the relationship.

          The broader question is how much you love this man. If you love him a lot then you will find a way to compromise over this behaviour. However, if this is just another behaviour in a long list of things you don’t like…then terminate.

          However, every relationship is different so maybe my advice is not pertinent. The most important priority, though, is for everyone to be 100% honest…and proceed from there.

          xx

          felixconrad45@gmail.com

          email me if you want further advice.

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